Finally, A robot with feelings

Hmmm... rasa mcm nak tulis tapi tak tau nak tulis apa. Hhahahahhaha... damn :(

Working like a slave. I have been working on 7 days a week for the past 2 month now. Gila kan? 3 weeks ago debate competitions judge, 2 weeks ago went to Terengganu, last week to N. Sembilan and next week again to N. Sembilan and most probably in 2 weeks time, Melaka and the week after to Penang and later Johor. GILAAA LAAAHHH!!!!...

I'm no robot.
But i seriously have to work just to kill time. Didn't have anything to hold on anymore... hahhaa... damn.

Allright folks... wish me a safe journey for all those travelling nanti.

Social nightmare

Currently at school. Baru pulang from Terengganu. Kenapa ke Terengganu? Ntah? Hhahahahha.

Hmmm... lately rasa tak best. Orang keliling pun macam tak best rasanya.

Tali

Aku,
Aku ada tali,
Tali yang panjang,
Tali yang tegang,
Buat kawal diri,
Macam layang layang.

Bila aku jatuh,
Tali menarikku,
Bila aku jauh,
tali tetap teguh.
Tali ku sayang aku,
Tali ku selalu bersamaku.

Tapi tali ku semakin reput,
Kini tak mampu menahan beratku,
Aku risau akan taliku.
Aku tak mahu tali lain, itu tali aku.

Aku pilu,
Aku bingung,
Mana tali aku?

See You

These notes are marked "return to sender"
I'll save this letter for myself
I wish you only knew
How good it is to see you
See you
see you

These steps I take don't get me anywhere
I'm getting further from myself
One thing that is always true
How good it s to see you
See you
See you
You... you... yes you

I'm done resenting you
You represented me so well
And this I promise you
How could I end up in the hands of someone else

These notes are marked "return to sender"
I'll save this letter for myself
I wish you only knew
How good it is to see you
See you
see you

Hmm....

"Untuk seketika ku hilang kawalan diri.... untuk seketika, ku hilang kawalan diri... ku hilang...."

My current addict

The Best Of You - Foo Fighters

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holding you
Were you born to resist?
Or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Or are you gone and on to someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I’ll break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in but
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It’s real, the pain you feel
Your trust?
You must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It’s real, the pain you feel
The life, the love you’d die to heal

The hope that starts the broken heart
Your trust?
You must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
I’ve got a another confession, my friend
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in - I refuse
Is someone getting the best of you?


Foo Fighters have released their fifth album up to date. And its a treat for all grunge fans. Long live rock n' roll. Foo Fighters - In Your Honor, in stores now!!!

((...@..~:( * ):~..@...))

I'm in pain so much, suffering from this serious migraine. God, help me get through this for You're the only One that can give me strengh to fight this. HambaMu tak mampu.

Maybe the fact that i'm thingking too much about life, someone, work, family and friends. Hahhahaa, for the time being, i can only laugh my way out :)

WIRES by Athlete (song)

I don't know why... this song is stuck on my head.

Wires
You got wires, going in
You got wires, coming out of your skin
You got tears, making tracks,
I got tears, that are scared of the fact

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
I seen hope is here
In a plastic box
I've seen christmas lights, reflect in your eyes

You got wires, going in
You got wires, coming out of your skin
There's dry blood, on your wrist
Your dry blood, On my fingertip

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
got to get to you
got to see this through

First night of your life
Curled up on your own
Looking at me now
You would never know

I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

Allright...

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
I see hope is here
In a plastic box
I've seen Christmas lights reflect in your eyes

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
First night of your life
Curled up on your own
Looking at you now
You would never know

This is such a special song. Hhahahhahahaa..... sumpit!!!

A Trip To Remember

Hello folks.
Here i am again after a few days off. As some of you might know, me and my friends were off to Sarawak for a wedding of our close gal friend. Congratulations to Suzi and Nicholas. I' so happy for you suzi, you're like a sister to me. During the ceremony, we we're so suprised by the warm hospitality of this Bidayuh's family. We were cheered, not to forget being pampered. Hhahahha. It was fun all the way. Diraikan macam kerabat diraja.

So, alang2 dah sampai Sarawak tu, apa lagi... joli sakan le. Hhahahha... for the first time, kitorang mcm tourist... hahahaha, jakun siot. There 10 of us, hitching a ride, walking all over Kuching laughing and creating unwanted havoc in the city. Sempat singgah ke Pasar Satok. Tapi sayang, i can't buy so many things for my dearest friends sebab belum dapat gaji :).

Tapi this is a very worth it trip i've ever made. Sempat main beach volleyball lagi. Dah laa semua asyik buat lawak je. Hhehehe... it was nice.... so... nice!!!

Above average life

Hello.
I have been very busy these past 2 weeks. Takde masa even to log into my own blog. It has been hectic, sampai tidur pun mengigau pasal kerja. Next week i will be busy with sports. I'm currently handling football and handball. With my great coaching ability (angkat bakul), RMC manage to win gold for the MSSKL handball tournement. The school was quite proud for me for bringing thechampionship title to RMC only after 3 weeks workingin RMS. Cool sungguh. HEHEHEHEHE. Next week akan ada KL Open for handball. I'm aiming to coach KL probably next year. Hahahahahha.

Not only that, i will probably act as a judge for next week's Piala Perdana Menteri debate competition, not to mention a few other competition that i need to attend. Gila betul.

By the way... will be going to Sarawak this upcoming 3rd of june. Ada sapa2 nakpesan anything from Sarawak? Kirim duit dulu.... i'm broke!!! Hahahhahahaha

I'll see u all later.

Ruin by the selling out

Hello guys.
Just finished playing football with my student. My team won 4-2 and i manage to make 1 beautiful assist after i've changed my position from the goalie to the midfielder. Cool huh!!.

From now on... students will not gonna call me "Tuan Saiful" lagi but with my newly given nickname, "The Flying Englishman" because i was like flying here and there saving the ball and then for i am their english teacher. Cool lagi...!!!

Hmm.. enough with that. Still currently feeling low. Rasa tak semangat nak bercakap. Guess i'll just be quiet for a few days. I'll just speak up when smthing important came up. Bad (my housemate) realized the sudden change in my personality... tapi takpe. Ni kira macam period lelaki la ni. Hhahahhahahah!!!

Blog hopped to my friend blog today. It seems like she and all my other friends whose currently working there is having difficulties. Sedih laa tgh all my friends are having such hellful times. I do hope everything will be great soon. Let us all berdoa for that ok.

Cukup for now... esok still have to mengajar 2 hours lagi. Boring sungguh. But then petang boleh main bola lagi. Hahhahaha "The Flying Englishman".

p/s: missed someone a lot kot? Hhahahhahaha. Ntah. Hhahahhahahhahaha!!! Gilalah!!!

Trigger Happy

I am currently inside the school's computer lab. Boring sungguh. I got 2 period classes at 11 to 1.

Hmm... Need to bust my head open writing question paper for the form 4 students. Apa takde cikgu lain yang lebih berkelayakan ke? Ahh... just buat saja lah. Benda simple. Takperlu to gaduh2 about it.

Injured my foot last night. Was feeling down. I did some serious thinking last night and tak sedar smpai jatuh longkang. I did not speak to any of my housemates at all. Guess some people wouldn't understand other people problems. So, why bother to tell other people. Hhahhhaa.

Today is not much different either. It sux. All my friends will look for me whenever they're in trouble, bila senang... takde pulak cari kan? Hhahhaa. Biasalah tu manusia. Alhamdullillah, i don't think that i'm able to be like that. Kalau ada susah pun i'll look for my friends, kalau seronok pun i will look for my friends. Hhahhaha cool!!!

Apa apa hal pun... have fun folks. Take good care of yourself. May God bless u all.

p/s: the word care is easy to be said but it is very difficult to do

The summary

I'll just put everything in a brief summary on what had happen these past few weeks. Hahhahhaahaha... gila lah hectic.

1) Kalau dulu i'm free 24/7, now tak lagi. I'm currently working as a lecturer/instructor dekat Maktab Tentera Diraja (RMC).
2) Cloudburst is currently doing great.
3) Having to give a lot of speeches here and there as a guest.
4) Yesterday and today, i was invited as an honorary guest judge for the HELP University College - National English Debate Competition. Best!!!.
5) The youngest male bachelor of the school. So, currently kita HOT stuff sekolah. Hahhahaha.
6) Will handle/in charge of many other activities = hectic hours.
7) Syasya and Khaliz finally made it thru. Kawin cepat2, elak maksiat. hahhaha.
8) My current health is OK, i think. Cuma minor migrain saja. Guess i'll be fine for now. Hahhaa.

There's more to type in tapi maybe later lah. I got so many work to do. See ya!!!

p/s: Khaliz... take good care of syasya and niena.. they both are very important family of mine. Hahhaha.

Bobby's out

- Love, Rock, Peace, Sacrifices!!!

Scrap Metal!!!

I'm back and currently recovering. Been sewel for the last 3 weeks back. Hahahha. Biasalaa tu. Sekarang ni gila hectic with life. Apa2 hal pun, i'm back and flying high. Feel free to post on any new messages. Kalau ada any masalah u know where to find me...

Finally, "the man" is back!!!

Send the pain below...the end!!!

Hai... now resting silently at Khaliz's house in Serdang. He's cool enought to lend me a spot at his house for me to stop by. Tak tau bila im going back to Penang. Still on job hunt. Those stupid Kementerian Pendidikan people still belum offer me any job. Tired of waiting. Currently seeking job situated in Putrajaya, Selangor and KL. Malaslah nak kerja kat Penang. Baru offer for a post as a New Zealand consular. Macam jadi duta Malaysia at New Zealand. Hope i get it. Its about time that i leave Malaysia behind. I got nothing to look forward over here.

I can't start thinking about my messed up life now. If i tried to, my migraine attack will come again. I don't know for how long i can hold on. Was miserable last night. Luckily Khaliz was there to offer help. Syasya also managed to call. Tired to face this miserable pain again and again. Hope i can find someone to take care of me soon. Screw those people that say u'r phethetic if ur writing expressing on an issue about this. I'm sick and that's it. I want to live a normal life without having any migraine, any heart problem, any chest pain. Its depressing. Damn!!! hahahhaha.

This might be my last entry. I don't know. I'll constantly check the tag board for any future messages from any of my friends. I'll try to reply. If i can't, sorry ya. I'll try to finish my short story too. All are invited to read my stupid writing by clicking the "dead poet" link.

Finally, before i end this... i realize that... i have fallen for someone. She's nice, but lately... ntahlah. She's far away, sebab tu yang susah kot. Altho i don't actually care wasting money on her, hahahhaha. Senang nak suka kat orang. Hhahhaha. Guess, i can only see u away from here. Hope that u'll be happy. It was nice talking to u. I had such fun. I feel happy talking to u. Hhahhaa. It was fun and interesting. Ur smart, lovely and strong. Your smile was a sea of colorful coral and fishes... perfect (waahhh... ayat!). Hope yr future will be full with joy and laughter. Be strong. It was nice to know u. Walaupun sekejap. You will meet your handsome prince nanti... hhahaha. ketawa lagi, hahha. Hhahhahha.. jiwangnya mamat ni. Hhahaha dammit... i'm sick. I can do anything that i want. Hhahhhaha. Never really beranikan diri to talk about this before. Hahahuahauahuahuaa. Gila lah!!! (if u know who u are... i'm sorry to do this to u... but just hav to... for i am living on borrowed time, i beg for your forgiveness. This might be among the stupidest thing i've ever made. Hhuahuhahahaha)

Enough said... love, peace and empathy.

Hope to see u all again in the near future. I hope.

Mohd Saiful Annuar, signing off... take care!!!
(if anybody ever need me, just send a msg thru the tag board or send it to, surf_explorer@hotmail.com or batak_explorer@yahoo.com. )

p/s: Moky... hope e'thing's cool with yr UTM problems. Everything will be fine. Kalau tak fine pun kita leh go to Moscow/Germany/France together. Start life kat sana. Hhahahhaa. Raya pun takyah balik. Hhahahaa. I'm cool with it. hahhahaha.

All alone is all we are

Hmm... IT is just 8 o'clock and i've already started to feel uneasy about life today. Hhahaha.
Now on ym with syasya. She's been a great help. My only sunshine for now. Hahhaa. Kawin laa cepat... boleh bob jadi ayah angkat.

I am such a negative thinker. Whenever there's thing yang made me feel unsettled, i started to think negatively. I shouldn't but... it happen. Susahla kalau macam ni kan? Hahhahahhaa.

Takpelah... we'll see how far i can go. Still got syasya to hold my hand and guide me thru... hope its enough. I hope.

The Wedding Plan (bukan jiwang la)

Hmm... lately banyak sungguh entry pasal kahwin kat everywhere i bloghop. Ni yang nak kawin ni. Dah tua sangat ni. Hhahhahaha. Duit setakat ni no problem... nak tanggung je tak confirm lagi. hahahhha.

Next week ada 2 wedding invitation tapi i can't go. i'm in KL right now. Habiskan time and money as always. hehhee.

That's it... next time.

ps: Ingat.... ni bukan pasal jiwang atau gatal.. terasa nak kawin je. Hhahahha... member2 semua dah ada anak masing masing. Teringin laa pulak nak sorang kan. Hhahahh... well... when ur heading beyond 25... u should start thinking about this. Hahha. ketawa lagi... hahhahaaha

The thought!!!

Lately... thinking about someone... someone that actually i shouldn't be. Hahhaha... nak buat macam mana.

Syasya... help!!! hehehe... u know my problem right? hhahahha.

Bintang Di Surga

Bintang di Surga
Peter Pan

masih ku merasa angkuh
terbang kenanganku jauh
langit kan menangkapku
walau kan terjatuh

dan bila semua tercipta
hanya untuk ku merasakan
semua yang tercipta
hampa hidup terasa

lelah tatapku mencari
mencari
erti untukku membagi
menemani langkahku
namun tak bererti

dan bila semua tercipta
tanpa harus ku merasakan
cinta yang tersisa
hampa hidup terasa

bagai bintang di surga
dan seluruh warna
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata

oh bintang di surga
berikan cerita
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata ...

1 word - SEDIH!!!

With this manly tears!!!

With this manly tears!!!
by Bobby Cardozo

Drift away, my cold clean tears,
Embark on a journey of self torment,
Engulf the bewitched road of lies,
Crushing folded doubt in life.

Disperse, my cold clean tears,
For you have seen my bad day,
I'll let you out and drop away,
Away from all horror display.

Farewell, my cold clean tears,
May we'll never meet again,
For i am now tired and tainted,
For i am now weak and fallen.

Goodbye, my cold clean tears,
For i know that others will take action,
Perhaps later, tomorrow or in near future,
Triggered by my own self depression.

Hehehe... moral: walaupun buruk macam mana pun muka bila menangis... when u need to cry... u cry. Its illogical to say taht man cannot cry, kalau macam tu kenapa Tuhan create tears. Hhahahahha... Tapi nak nangis pun tgk tempat la.... jangan kat tengah2 KLCC... itu bukan menangis.. itu tengah berlakon lah. Hhahhahaha.

Until my next entry... take care folks and have fun!!!

A Long December

A Long December - Counting Crows
song & words by: Adam Duritz

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...
I guess I should


This is my favourite slow song ever!!! waaahhahahahhahaa!!!

My Suicidal Dream

My Suicidal Dream

I dream about how it's going to end,
Approaching me quickly.
Leaving a life of fear,
I only want my mind to be clear.

People making fun of me,
For no reason but jealousy.
I fantasise about my death,
I'll kill myself from holding my breath,

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Help me,
comfort me,
Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.
The rope is here, now I'll find a use.
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in a noose.

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Dreamin' about my death, dream...


Moral: Sad to say... commit suicide masuk neraka tau!!! :)

Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah... lantak lah!! hehe

Haaahahahaahahaaa... boring sungguh.

Today nak buat apa? One thing for sure... i got to go shopping. Wardrobe untuk kerja i only got a few je. So... wahahahaa... habis laa duit.

But, i'm no fashion freak. I wear what i want to wear. Hmm.. baju takde... pants dah banyak... black leather shoes takde.... perfume dah siap.... belt.. ada... hmm... wallet... dah buruk.. ahaha kena beli gak.... tie... dah banyak... hmm... stokin... takde (asyik kebas stokin bowling yg murah tu je) hehehe. Hmm.. banyak nak abis duit ni... tension tension.

Next week i might be coming down to KL again... syasya... ready your purse... kita gi shopping lagi. Teman bob okeh bebeh!! hahahahaa.

Sad but still kinda Rockishly cool... hehehe

Hahhaa... don't know why... but i'm hurt. Not physically but more on mentally and heartly (ada ke? hehhee).

No Problem!!! hehehe. I'm still cool.


5 song lyrics running in my head:

- Don't even think about getting inside. Voices in my head. Ooh, voices. I got scratches all over my arms. One for each day since I fell apart. I did, oh, what I had to do. If there was a reason it was you. ( Footsteps - Pearl Jam)

- It's good to know that you are home for Christmas. It's good to know that you are doing wel.l It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting. It's good to know I'm feeling not so well. Because my inside is outside. My right side's on my left side. Cause I'm writing to reach you now but I might never reach you. Only want to teach you... about you, but that's not you... you know its true... that won't do. ( Writing to reach you - Travis )

- Hanging on. Here until I'm gone. Right where I belong. Just hanging on even though I watched you come and go. How was I to know, you'd steal the show. One day I'll have enough to gamble, I'll wait to hear your final call and bet it all. ( February Stars - Foo Fighters )

- Could we have known. Never would I, have helped to nail down. With nothing to gain, here's the clincher, this should be youn made cold and cripple This happened to be never changing Holding inside, the phobia, Made cold and crippled, ending it all. ( The Clincher - Chevelle )

- Some will learn, many do. Cover up or spread it out. Turn around, had enough, Pick and choose or pass it on. Buying in, heading for, Suffer now or suffer then. Its bad enough I want the fear...need the fear, cause he's alone... (where have we gone)... and he's alone (where have we come). ( Vitamin R - Chevelle )

When u think u can't go on....

You STOP!!! ... *sigh*

Anyway... i'm back in Penang after a long wonderful weekend. During my trip back to Penang... i pushed myself to sleep the whole journey... for the sighting on my side was so horridly discusting... Sitting beside me... was... 2 stupid indian gay partner. Seeing all those holding hands... cuddling eith each other... rasa nak bangun... terajang je. Hhehehee. Dah gatal sgt pun... buat laa masa org tak nmpak. Damn u gay guys. Not that i'm against "gaycism" <-- (ada ke?)... but please, manners... arrghh ... sure i can't sleep. Pejam mata je nmpak that 2 stupid bloke. Tension!!!

P/s: Syasya.... thanks for accompanying me the whole weekend. It was enjoyable and fun. Thank you sunshine. Nanti bob belanja pulak. Hehhee... take care. Miss you already.

tapi dia tak hensem? hkkehkhekhe

"He was not handsome"..Read it.. This is based on a true story.. If you like it, re-post it.. Perhaps you will find the love youhave been waiting for all this time..
_____________________

He was not handsome..But he had feelings..One day, he felt in love with a woman..A woman he really had a crush on..But he realized that he was not handsome..So he kept it deep inside his heart..

He was not handsome..Knowing this, he still approached the girl he admired.. Upon approaching her, he asked her name and asked for her number.. They came into contact with each other.. The guy was happy and he felt nice talking to the lady..

He was not handsome..He had to remember this all the time.. He knew he couldn't say out his wish to the lady..However, one day, he took up the strength to call that lady.. When he was about to pick up the reciever, the phone rang..It was her..His crush...His lady of his dreams..She asked him out on that night..There was no reason for him to say NO..That night, they went to a restaurant..for dinner..

He was not handsome..This was proven to him at that night..When the lady told him that she had a crush on a guy..He was crushed into pieces by his own crush..but he didnt say a word..He knew it..He was not handsome...

He was not handsome..and he knew he won't get his girl of his dream..So he intended to help the lady out..He took the lady to the guy whom she had a crush on.. After a week, he saw the lady dating with the guy..He knew that there is no more hope for him..

He was not handsome..and this made him loose his love..He just kept his feelings deep inside his heart..But it was okay for him..as his love was happy with the guy she loved..

He was not handsome..but maybe his powerful love brought his lady back to him..One day, the lady came all the way crying to him..She said to him that she lost her virginity and the guy dumped her..She was all in tears and didnt know where to go..

He was not handsome.. but he loved her..He wiped the tears off the lady and gave a warm hug..The lady felt the warm feel gush through her nerves and touch her heart deep inside..She realized that this is her true love..

He was not handsome..but he found his love finally..and he was happy ...

p/s: looks are not really the most important thing in love..Consider the feelings ofthe ppl around you..You might just findthat true love of yours..He may not behandsome..but he might love you more thananyone could ever love you.. and that is greater than some handsome idiots who doesn't love u.

Hmm... found this story from one of my friendster's buddies. Well... for those in the same situation as the guy... cheer up. It is how the world treat u. Reality check mate. Hehhehe.. Life can be cruel. Boleh buat drama nih. Sure laku kat cinema!!

"Boleh percaya ke? tapi saya cuba jugak" from Waheeda... iklan syampoo. hehhehe
(dulu selalu letak lirik lagu as ending quote... sekarang nak letak famous quotes la pulak)

As the day walks by....

Got a masterful bliss of migrain last night. Tak boleh tido nih... tension sungguh!

Today... my bassist called me at early morning. Member dah siap lagu baru, another sad tempo song entitled "February". Ada apa2 ke... hehhee mcm dedicated to smone je. Hope she'll finally see your true feelings towards her. Cheer up bro... jangan serabut serabut. Ko pun good looking gak... gaji sedap nak cecah 3 tuu.... hehehhe (kalau ovetime setengah mati la). Belanja laa...
Hope everything goes out well. I'll back u up.

About the song... kita dah banyak slow tempo song... i'll try to make other upbeat songs for our next album. This time... Cloudburst will be going worldwide. Get ready for i'll try to raise some funds for the opening of Raindrops Records. Nak jadi tauke nih.. hehhehe. Hope it will come true. My very own recording label.

"Could we have known
Never would I, helped to nail down
With nothing to gain
Here's the clincher, this should be you...

This happened to be never changing
Holding inside, the phobia
Made cold and crippled,
ending it all ... now saturate...the earth"

taken from Chevelle - The Clincher

Along the thin line...

Hmm.. nothing much. Woke up at 10 today... hahhahahhaa, buruk sungguh perangai.

Hmm... (hmm lagi...) I was like terjaga around 5 a.m. and all the sudden i can't feel my body. My hand feels lembut mcm a snake. I simply rasa that i got no bone. I was like... masyaallah... is this it? Will i be going this soon. Well... not to say that i don't want to go... but i still have to clean up all my dirty sins of my chest before i can go. Dosa banyak sangat ni... heehehe. I was afraid but at the same time i was calm. Entahlaa... i'm feeling drowsy today. Mungkin sebab tak cukup tidur. Hope that i'll be fine. Still got to say sorry to a lot of people... and perhaps for that... i can't go now. I hope.

See u folks later. Love and Peace...

Stupidly... this is how i feel right now!!!

Vindicated
Dashboard Confessional

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear

Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away (4x)

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Slight hope

It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
______________________________

Hehhehe... mamat ni pehal ni. Anyway... while Sembahyang Jumaat tadi... my stress and migraine has come back. For awhile there... couldn't raise my hand and my body feels numb. Rasa untuk seketika lumpuh sekejap. What will happen to me next... bersambung pada waktu yg sama minggu depan... dalam rancangan... hehehe. Well... takut... takut jugak... but... dah biasa. Hmm... still writing songs for today... hari ni ada mood self pity sket. So... semua lirik lagu hari ni sound depressing. Hehehe...

Surf's out dudes!!!

UNTUK SEKETIKA... AKU HILANG KAWALAN DIRI!!!

Rumble in my heart

Peter Pan
Ada Apa Denganmu

Sudah maafkan aku
Segala salahku
Dan bila kau tetap bisu
Ungkapkan salahmu
Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku...

Sudah lupakan semua
Segala berubah
Dan kita terlupa
Dan kita terluka
Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku...

Kutanya malam
Dapatkah kau lihatnya
Perbedaan yang tak terungkapkan
Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah
Ada apa denganmu ?!?
Oh..Hanya malam
Dapat meleburkan segala rasa
Yang tak terungkapkan
Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah
Ada apa denganmu ?!?

Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku...

Ni kiranya tgh jadi lagu favourite aku ngan khaliz (cloudburst) hehehhe... best la. Cuba la dengar. Bukan jiwang laaa... layan je!! khekhekhehke,

Currently writing a few lyric for the new Cloudburst's album... tunggu. Ingat nak buat lagu melayu satu.

Distortion in the air

Well.. i couldn't log into the net for 2 days... semuanya sebab the komputer at home ni rosak. So, now dah repair. There goes my extra budget for this month. Hhahhaa... but never mind. Duit... easy comes easy goes.

Im heading back to KL this 23rd for a wedding dinner. Kahwin jugak this lovely friend of mine ni. So... Selamat Berbahagia hingga ke anak cucu... Mrs Parveen Begum. Jangan nakal2 lagi. Obey yr husband... hehehhe. Takleh masuk iklan lagi. Waaahahahha. Parveen is now currently working as a stewardess for Singapore Airlines. Ex model nih... hhehee notably a few iklan... as a pantene girl tak salah and also featured in one of Anuar Zain's vid clips... Keabadian cinta ko? hhahahha... who cares.

Hmm... well, nousad...be happy bro. I know u're currently having great difficulties. If u need to talk... call. Kalau dah kedekut sangat... miss call me, i'll call you my friend. Hhhehhehe. Kita kawan2 tak berkira punya.... belanja makan!!! hahahhaa

Surf's off my friends!!! Poooff!!!

Keluhan hidup seorang mamat boring

Kak Sofiah bt Abdullah... i miss you a lot. Why did u must go first. hmm... takdir... nak buat mcm mana kan? Damn it!!!

Journey to the north end!!

Gonna drive back to penang tomorrow morning (Tuesday). Hope i can arrive safely. I don't know why... but just pray that i'm gonna be fine. Got a bad feeling but seriously... i got to get back to Penang.

May Allah guide my journey back home.

:(

Symphony of the depressed

CLOSURE!!!

Breathe, trust, bless me and release,
Climb, hard or never be seen.
Closed off, rescue to breathe.
Just bless me.

Two sided time,
Your rebirth can't hurt,
Branch out behind, the pain.

Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.
Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.

Had to to turn, lay down,
Your sting of disease.
Phase you out, should've seen this coming.
Go on confusing the soul,
Hold my breath 'til you rupture.

Three days aside,
Your rebirth can't hurt,
Branch out behind, pride.

Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.
Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.

Like a leach,
I hold on as if we belonged,
To some precious pure dream.
Cast off, you've seen what's beneath,
Now fail me.

Forget closure,
Forget closure,
Forget closure,
Forget closure.

Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.
Closure has come to me myself,
You will never belong to me.
So breathe.

Future Imperfect!!!

Well... im back in KL.

Im currently feeling bad again. My back is in pain. I hope i didn't get kidney stone again. I'm kinda like scared now. Having a kidney stone is basically one word - PAINFUL!!!
And to have kidney stone by yourself with no one taking good care of u (call ke, misscall ke, jumpa ke) is actually - DYING... hehehe. Been thru that. I am so like missing someone right now. Dah laa valentines day (bukan pernah kesah pun, tapi biasa laa... manusia, skali skala ter-jiwang). Hope someday i can fine smone to jaga me... mcm my very own nurse, hahahaha mimpi.

Hahahahha.... gla sungguh, sejak bila jiwang ni. Hhahhahha, sejak mula terasa nak kahwin. Hhahha. I'm like nak masuk 25... future kena fikr maa...

Semalam antar a copy of Cloudburst CD to Big's cousin. She is working at Wayang Tinggi Production, currently searching for new artiste to be featured in a show. Hope we can be in someday Cloudburst will make Malaysia proud. Go... CLOUDBURST!!!

Cloudburst invading Radio JB...hahaha

Yes... it is true... on last Thursday, Radio Malaysia Johor aired the eagerly anticipated first single of Cloudburst - "She".
Me, bigg (manager) and Khaliz (bassist) were like... Oh My God!!! Hahahhaha. Well that was it. The deejay was like.... "coming up next, lagu baru daripada sebuah band tempatan yang mengelarkan diri mereka sebagai Cloudburst dengan lagu mereka - she". Hhehehhee. Hebat sungguh!!!

Thank you to Bad (Syamsul Bakhtiar) for asking your wife to play that song. The deejay working that day was actually her wife. Hhahhaha. Thanks u guys. Senang kalau hidup ada cable ni.

I'm still in JB actually. Will be travelling back to KL around 3 p.m nanti. Gonna be a very tiring ride home. Yesterday, managed to squeeze up time and met Ainie (my cikgu). Sadly, i was only manage to see her about 15 minutes. Itu bukan jumpa namanya. Yet, i still owe her a cup of coffee. To cikgu Ainie.. thanks for make it possible. You're a good bowler. Kalau i manage to travel to JB lagi... lets go for a bowling match. hehhe (mesti bob kalah). Bola Ainie go slow je... tapi berhantu. hehehhehe. For others (Carney, dila and jenjen), sorry that i coudn't meet u guys up. Eventho i have never mentioned this, but, thank you. You guys have been great and it was such honor of knowing u all despite we haven't met or talk personally. Thanks. Next time ok bebehs.

Hmm.... got to pack my things up.... going back to KL. Damn...hehehe. This would probably be among my best visits to jb. I met lots of my friends and make new friends too.

Bob Cloudburst signing off.

A day to be remembered

The gig "Tragic Lullaby" ended with heart-warming experience that will never be forgotten by Cloudburst's members and friends. We rock!! Hehe.

The started at 8 (hhaah, tulis start pukul 5). The first band playing was Cost, a band from Shah Alam. This emo band really blew the stage out with their guitar riff, sadly... can't really understand what the singer's screaming about.

Second, was the awesome Ragamuffins (my current fav - ada la sebab, hahaha). Both guitarist, Olie and Izhar really shocked me away. Izhar was playing some vicious lick (berasap gitar tu... hehhe). The drummer (apa nama tah, riq kot?) really enjoyed himself. hahhaha. Everything was tip-top cuma the vocal tak clear sangat. The part when Sabrina (the keyboardist) play pun is actually kurang jelas. Tapi takpe... hhahhaha (gatal sungguh). From 1 to 10 i'd give Ragamuffins a 7/8 point. Macam juri Malaysian Idol.

Next, Rossu was on stage. Mateen (singer/guitarist) layan je. He moved around, react with the crown, and scream at his best for their performance. Hensem boy, Syah (bassist) was playing far at the back. Their best song of the night was probably their last song of the night. Mateen invited a girl friend of them on violin. Very cool indeed. Terpegun sehh!! hehhee. Salute Rossu.

Band no. 4 was Damsel In Distress. An Emo band from Shah Alam kalau tak salah. Well... they basically performed well. Layan sendiri. But the crowd enjoyed it.

Next... Cloudburst. Susah le kan bila nak review band sendiri. But, the crowd was awesome. Some tak habis habis keep on yelling "Bob... bob". Ada gak peminat ek? hheehe. Cool... cool. We played 3 own song plus a cover from Coldplay - Yellow. Ada gak a few mistakes because i couldn't hear my guitar. Above all... we enjoyed ourselves. The crowd was supportive. Siap ada few girls kirim salam tuu... hehhe rasa glamour pulak. Aku lepas show..... senyum je. Ramai yg ucap congrats. Thanks all.

The sixth band was Mushbuttons. Otai2 ni. Hehhe. Their performance was tight. Everything was perfect for them. I really enjoy myself listening to them. Suara vocalist/singer was awesome. Then, for the last show... they invited a friend of them, tak ingat pulak nama. His voice was marvelous. Sedap betul laa. He was singing in Malay kalau tak salah. Tabik mushbutton. You all rock the show.

The final closing act was Frantic, a metal band from Ipoh. I myself support nyon.... my friend. hahaha. Nyon played the bass well. The guitarist worked hard for the show... great riffing but a bit too loud i guess. Tapi memang layan. The crowd pun layan. Siap ada stage dive and surfing. Hahhaha. They only played 2 songs for that night. The show end at 10.30 p.m.

Basically... all the band that performed last night was superb. Thank you to all that has shown up. It was a night to be remembered mostly by Cloudburst. This is not the end of the road... we'll see u again, insyallah bulan 3 kalau jadi.

p/s: Tomwaitsallison tak main malam tu ntah taktau kenapa. Tapi as the organizer of the show, we salute u. Thanks joe.

No 1 joker in town

I don't know why... but.. i am all messed up. So many problems and actually, most of them are not mine. But being as a good person, i have always stood by my friends as strong as ever. Maybe i should stop? And care less? What should i do. I am actually... breaking.

Is it fair to care when there's no one that cares? huhh!!! Sick!!

But well... nevermind lah. This is Bobby, hahhaha. Ye ke? Ntah? Hhahahhaa. I don't care.

HILANG KAWALAN DIRI!!! hehehhe

p/s: to my friend Kh***z (nama terpaksa dirahsiakan), u should realize what's important and what's not. Stay in focus. Don't put yourself in a situation that will torture u, be strong. Woman are difficult to get. But when you get them, Allah's blessing will light you through the wonderful moments. In the future, you will look back and see all this great difficulties you have to endure, and for that will make the bond much stronger. (aku bagi nasihat.. no 1, a nasihat for myself, never have been able to do that - hehe)

What am i feeling now!!

I CHANGED BY NOT CHANGING AT ALL!!!

Hang yourself up!!

Hahahahahai...
I'm currently in KL, having a blast as always.
Plan for today:
- meet my old friend
- lunch with syasya and khaliz
- buy cd's (i think)
- my movie marathon (kalau jadi)
- update my blog.

Damn boring day... hehhee!

p/s: I've found out a way to express my negative feeling and cool down my anger. I just simply msg people. So, for those that i've always msged, thank you very much... without knowing anything, u've helped me soo... much. And for that... i thank you.

A Dead Poet singing his was out!!!

Attention: Confirm fixture

Well friends.
The eagerly waited gig for Cloudburst will be help at Paul's Place on the 6/2.
Show will start at 5 o'clock with 8 bands playing. Cloudburst will probably play at near 6. Come early and meet with the band. Leh sembang sembang right? hhehhehe. So hot!!! so hot indeed!!!

Place : PAUL's PLACE
JALAN KLANG LAMA
(opposite a huge International Hotel)
Date : 6 February 2005 (Sunday)
Time : 5.00 - (we'll see)

Bands playing:

1) CLOUDBURST - Progressive Rock / Brit Rock
2) TOM WAITS ALLISON - Progressive Indie (tapi skarang dia tgh EMO)
3) ROSSU - dengar kata style macam Muse
4) FRANTIC - Metal (tapi ok... group ni member baik baik semua, hahaha)
5) MUSH BUTTON - Ska / Punk (fun - fun gitu)
6) COST - taktau, tapi Joe ckp ganas
7) DAMSEL IN DISTRESS - EMO kot? (emosi)
8) RAGAMUFFINS - pun taktau

Come and join us.
Support local scene!!!

For we who foretold the future...

Hiyaa folks.
Like always... have been doing nothing for this past week. Got down with serious migrain 2 days ago. Nak ketawa pun tak boleh. Hehhee.Now doing fine. Got myself a new pair of glasses. Have to wear them to reduce head-ache (sis nadia told me this).

Ahh... today, i got my parents a handphone. Susah sangat nak contact them when they're not in the house. So, i decided why not repair my phone and just gave it to them. So now, my mom can make call to all those "penjual kain" under her. ish ishk.... hebat sungguh makcik ni ye. Sekarang dah pakai handphone. Hari tu datang kedai pakai driver (that is obviously me). Hahhahaha!
Me and my mom are getting along well... she's wondering why this time around, i did not marah marah and buat perangai anymore. hehhee. Taip tiap hari manis je i talk with them. hahhahha (ada chance dapat v6 nih by the end of this month). No lah. She's happy. Dad's happy - kot? Nak makan apa pun now my mom will gladly cook. Senang hidup.

And yesterday... manage to secure another problem. I got this 1 sister (not my adik kandung) that i treat her as a part of my family. The other half of me, if i could put it in better word. She's currently feeling down with all this love problems. I got to know that she has fallen in love with this guy, which actually has been married for years now. Thru this marriage... they got themself 2 children. I was against all this and manage to get myself into a big quarrel. So, after a few months... yesterday, i called her. And boy that she was glad to hear my voice again. Her abang is back. She has been scared of calling or even sms-ing me, afraid that i would get mad. She told me that she doesn't knew what to do anymore for the man wont stop chasing her. Guess this week i'll be makin a trip to my sis office. Need to do smthing about this. But above all, she's now happy (still with lots and lots of problem) that i am back around to care again. Well... i'm fine with it. My existence in life pun is actually to help people. This time... if i got mad with her again... at least i got this blog to express it all out. Hehhehe. I am just damn too nice ain't i? Should i stop caring for others? I don't think so.

Well... the moral of the story is... don't run away from your problems friends. Face them, even if it took time. Do it one step over another. We're just human aiight? We make mistakes. And we learn thru our mistakes. Jangan lari or try to pretend that everything is o.k.

It hurt for smone that cares for you, to know that u're having difficulties. I certainly do. That is why... i am all yours. If u ever need to talk to smone, and if u got no one, search for me. I'll be glad to call u up. No problemo. Belanja minum je..!!! hehhehe.

Bobby Cardozo... signing of with a msg of love.... hahahhahaha!!!
(blogging helps me to release unwanted tension - bloggin is so hot, thank you cikgu!!!)

"Selfishly walking through killing the angels
Picking and choosing
to screw
All of us
one by one
but why?"

Chevelle - Still Running

A Tragic Lullaby

Tragic Lullaby - 6/2/2004 (Sunday) at Paul's Place, Jalan Klang Lama, Kuala Lumpur. See You There!!!

Artist performing that night:
1 - Rossu
2 - Tom Waits Allison
3 - my very own - Cloudburst
4 - Mush Button
5 - Frantic
6 - Damsel in Distress

Singularity = being alone.

Well... hello friends.
Guess... i'll not be making any post to your blogs or friendsters for a while. Currently resting and recuperating. Hope to be back soon. Won't be able to update the blog too... Wish you all a happy and prosperity burger life ahead.

Will be back soon!!!

Take care.

Got a bullet in my head!!

Well... it is 3.00 a.m.
I really do need to sleep. This migrain i'm feeling right now has been outrageously painful today. Here i am sitting after trying to sleep since the last 2 hours ago. Been turning from left to right, and from right to left until i couldn't even move. Decided to on the computer... do something to ease the pain off... yet, still can't manage to put me away to bed. Ahh... really tired. Have been driving my mom the whole day. Only if she'd knew about my migrain. Ah... no need to get the old lady worried about me. Hahhaha (still manage to laugh my way off things)

Hmm... well.. if i couldn't sleep later on, i'll promise to write in again later at 4.00 a.m. Hope that i can have my sleep now. This is so killing me. If i didn't go to sleep now, gonna miss my Subuh prayers. We'll see.

NEED TO SLEEP NOW!!!

The Bitter End

Finally... after months. It is time that i will tell u about myself, since i got nothing to do!!! hahhahhaa!

My was born by the name MOHD SHYFUL ANNUAR BIN SUAID (shy gitu!!) on cold night of 29th of November 19**. Hhahhaha. I expect presents.

Got myself a sister 3 years after that.

I'm just an ordinary guy with lots of painful experiences while growing up. Now... doing fine i guess.

Still out of work. Those stupid Kementerian Pendidikan people!!! You're supposed to give a a JOBBBYYY!!! Remember? I need money!! I need to buy myself a new guitar and i need to go to Japan on June!!! Need to buy a Pocket PC... and more. Need to work... damn you people!! Heh .. heh hehe!!!.

Basically... i am just a simple person who need lots of things. Only these things will make me less aware of my problems and my life's difficulties. Bobby oh bobby... wake up!! Wake up and smell the bitter tastes of life!!!

State Of Love And Trust

My top favourite song!!! This song will keep me going... on and on...

State Of Love And Trust

Oh ...
State of love and trust as i
busted down the pretext
Sin still plays and preaches,
but to have an empty court, uh huh

And the signs are passin',
grip the wheel,
can't read it.
Sacrifice receiving
the smell that's on my hands ... hands,
yeah

And i listen for the voice inside my headNothin',
i'll do this one myself

Lay her down as priest does,
should the lord be a countin'
Will be in my honour,
make it pain, painfully quick, uh huh
Promises are whispered
in the age of darkness
Want to be enlightened
like i want to be told the end ... end, yeah
And the barrel shakes and,
a-directly at my head
Oh, help me, help me from myself
And i listen,
from both sides of a friend
Nothin', i'll do this one myself
Myself ... myself.

Hey, na-na-na-na, hey that's something
Hey, na-na-na-na, hey that's something
Hey, na-na-na-na, hey that's something
Wanna back, back it away, yeah
And i listen, oh,
for the voice inside my head
Nothin', i'll do this one myself
Oh, ah, and the barrel waits,
trigger shakes
Aimed right at my head,
won't you help me
Help me from myself

Hmm ... state of love and trust, and a ...
State of love and trust,
and a ...State of love and trust,
and a ...State of love and ... yeah.

Song: Pearl Jam
Words: Eddie Vedder
Album: Soundtrack from "The Singles"

Smile (song)

The song that really make me feel good about myself lately. Hehhehe!!!

Smile!!

Don't it make you smile? (2x)
When the sun don't shine,
it don't shine at all...
Don't it make you smile?

Don't it make you smile?
Don't it make me smile?
Yeah...When the sun don't shine,
it don't shine at all...
yeah...Don't it make me smile?

I miss you already,
yeah...I miss you always...
I miss you already,
yeah...I miss you all day...

This is how I feel...

I...I miss you already,
yeah...I miss you always...
The crooked heart swells all around,
yeah...I miss you all day...
The crooked heart swells around,
yeah...Don't it make you smile? (2x)

The crooked heart swells around...

Song by : Pearl Jam
Lyric by: Eddie Vedder
Album: No Code

What is this life's for?

What is this life's for?
dari Bobby Cardozo

What is this life's for?
Untuk tontonan umum? no...
Then what?
Untuk diherdik, dicaci,
Disepak diterajang?
Untuk mencari dan dicari?
Membantu atau dibantu?
Apa itu life?
Adakah patut dihargai?
Atau dibuang, dibenci?
Apa hidupmu susah?
Atau kaya segunung alam?
Ada kau mempersoal?
Bila engkau disoal.
For what brings you here?
Is it for the love?
Atau kerana perasaan rendah diri?
Katakan kawan ku?
Jangan seksa dirimu.
Life's a box of chocolate,
Sedap atau tidak,
biar ditelan sahaja.....

Moral: Org tak akan menganali dirimu jika kamu sendiri yang tidak mengenali dirimu.

"And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be
And I don't want to go home right now"

iris by The Goo Goo Dolls

The Day I Try To Live

SELAMAT HARI RAYA HAJI folks!!!

Cannot say Maaf Zahir dan Batin because that's only for Raya Puasa. But anyway... just wanna say sorry if i've posted anything that has offended you all inside your blog. Allrite bebeh...

p/s: especially to cikgu ainie... been messing with her doodle board a lot. Hhehehe...


"And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there
Did you get to be a star
And don't it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are" taken from Name by Goo Goo Dolls

Keluarga curang. keluarga riang (poem)

Keluarga curang, keluarga riang
by Bobby Cardozo

Ketawa riang, si kecil melompat,
Dihujung padang, mencari, berlari,
Namun disudut hati, anak kecil hilang,
hilang bersama, buaian sunyi.

Mama kata pulang,
papa mula terajang,
adik senyum sinis,
abang, sedih terhiris.

Tempik ayah memaki,
Diam ibu menyusu,
Adik suka hati,
Darah abang satu baju.

Abang terus sabar,
nak sabar sampai bila?
Abang hilang akal,
Abang hampir gila.

Kini abang sudah besar,
punya hati murni.
Abang kena kuat,
dia pemimpin keluarga ini.

Ibu ayah minta maaf,
luka abang sudah sembuh.
adik cepat cepat sedar,
abang tak punya tempoh.

Moral : *ntah* pasal keluarga je la ni. Sayangi anak2 anda. Utamakan keluarga. Pesanan daripada Kementerian Pembanggunan Wanita, Keluarga dan Masyarakat.

p/s: ada sesapa leh bagi title lain tak? title ni mcm tak best.

Suicidal Dream (poem)

Suicidal Dream

My life's a living hell
I never asked for much
Please, oh please, pass me a knife
A sharp seraded one would be nice

I take the blade
And slice my wrist from left to right
And then again that same night
I fear what will become of me

I wonder if my so called friends will even care
Then they see me standing there
They don't dare, do they care?
They then they looked
Looked at my wrists and walk away

Then the next day, they found out
When they left, I cut myself's up.

moral : adalah HARAM bagi umat islam untuk membunuh diri. Confirm HELL!! :)

In His Hands...

I helped my mom baked some cookies for Raya Haji. This is so... new for me. Never really spend much quality times at home. Have been away a lot... almost independently... by myself all my life. After this. gonna work... gonna earn more and save them. I've found out the truth about money spending. Came up with this idea 2 days ago. The ideas on how to save and earn more in the future. The ideas are:

When you got your salary, what should you do? You can do this...

1) Pay Yourself First - With the money that you earn, take some and put it into a banking account (budget). The problem with us (usually Malays), you tend to do your budget at the end of the day. It would be a blessing if you still got RM100 left at the end of the month. What you can do is, pay yourself first when you got the money. Example... You earn RM 1700. The best wa is, to pay let say... Rm300 and put it into an acount before you start spending your money. So, you only use the left over which is, the other RM1400. At the end of the month... if you can keep more from the Rm1400... better.

2) Make it as an automatic thing to do - The best way to do do this is... you go to the bank and go to the bank officer. Tell them you wanted to do a " stand off", that is you wanted... some of your paycheck to be devided to another account. For an example as below... after you earn your RM1700, ask the bank to withdraw Rm300 automatically and transfer it to account B. So every month... your RM300 will be placed automatically without you having to go to the bank. You don't waste your money... your time but at the same time... you save.

3) Forget about your account B - you don't need to remember that account. All you need to do is only... go to the band and check every month for confirmation that the RM300 has been transfered every month to that account. No need to use them. You need to be well decipline.

4) Make your money grow and work by itself - Yes... your account B will grow itself with divident. For example... if you put your account B in ASB, the divident for a year is 10% (actually 9. something). After a year... you will get around RM3960 = RM4000 lah. Withing 5 years... you'll get a +/- RM20000. Tak ke banyak tu? Sapa nak bagi kan? hehehe. Rm20000 buta buta je. If you can spend more.. u'd get richer. Waahhahahahhahahhaa tamak tamak!! ehehe :)

5) Finally, make yourself Insured - buy some insurance for yourself... you might need it in the future. Tuhan maha kuasa... apa2 boleh jadi right?

Ya, tuan tuan dan puan puan, itu tadi tips bagaimana utk menjadi kaya. Saya bukan tamak, cuma mahukan hidup yg baik. Jadi marilah kita melakukan yg terbaik utk masa depan kita, keluarga dan anak2. Apa melalut ni? ehehhe But, it is true. I sure don't want any of my family/kids to suffer. It is all up to you. I only want to share the techniques so that we all can live a better life.

With doing this, u'll live better... cuma, i comes with only 1 difficult problem that is, can you be well dicipline. Try it... gonna start doing it with my first salary.

p/s: extra tip from me. for the muslims, make a time for donations to the mosque. For every cent you give, Allah will give it back to you.

"Kekayaan, wang ringgit datang dari Allah la bapak, bukan dari bapak" taken from Ahmad Albab

Well... thats it.

Prof. Bobby Cardozo sign off - class dismissed

The pain and the suffering

Today was quite horrific. I was in pain and feeling uncomfortable. I've been cursing myself all day, haha.

I woke up at 6.45 for subuh and after that found myself to be quite tired. So, i decided to go back to sleep at 7.30. Here's the best part. During that sleep, i was having this wonderful dream. I was actually playing for Liverpool. All i can think off is, wow!! i'm on Liverpool Football Club. I was having a fantastic year. But, during a match between Liverpool and Arsenal... i got myself injured.

The striker of Arsenal (stupid Henry) as facing me one on one. I was the goalkeeper. When he tries to shoot, i manage to tap out the fast ball. But it fumble to the ground. I quickly stretch my body to the upmost posible way... to punch it. That is where Ashley Cole, had tackled me. And i fall. I fall off from the bed, and "terseliuh" my shoulder. Now - I am in a hell lot of PAIN!!!

Hmm... this must be the longest hour that i've spent on a single entry. Nak type pun rasa sore. Damn!!

Signing off peacefully.

Sick, tormented, alien soul is inside ME!!!

Hmm... actually, i got nothing to write to, but despite being all bored up... decided to create one entry.

As a musician and songwriter, i have a major library of songs to listen to. Songs can bring some impact to life itself. Often my mood can changed instantaniously when i listen to some song. Altho most of my type of music can be considered as a bit Grungy and Rockishly tunes, but hey, i do listened to those malay songs, rnb, classic oldies and perhaps... a bit of hip hop.

Most influences comes from grunge bands like Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Foo Fighters. It helps a lot in song making. And when me song make... it would help me in releasing those negative moods.

Here's 10 list of my favourite band/group/singer. Feel free to add in yours inside the comment box... bleh kita sembang.

1) Nirvana <--- a must for all grunge/alternative listeners.
2) Pearl Jam <--- also a must
3) Foo Fighters
4) Chevelle <---- the group makes a very wonderful depressing mood
5) Counting Crows <--- gives the extra edges when i need to soften out
6) A Perfect Circle <--- melodically extraordinary
7) Asian KungFu Generation <--- japanese band... cool rock tunes
8) Incubus
9) Slipknot <--- bila rasa nak marah
10) Silverchair <--- nice

ada lagi sebenarnya. Cloudburst pun ada gak, hehee tapi takbleh laa tulis band sendiri kan? Anyway... hope all of you will have great days in front of you. Enjoy yourself!!!

"Even Though
I Watched You Come And Go
How Was I To Know
You'd Steal The Show

One Day
I'll Have Enough To Gamble
I'll Wait To Hear Your Final Call
And Bet It All"

February Stars by Foo Fighters

Just my imaginations

Hello people in da house, office, apartments, and cyber cafe's.

Today was a tireful day. Now. i'm back in Penang for Raya Haji. Started driving at 8 a.m and reached Penang by 11.00 a.m. Luckily there were not much cars around me (for i can drive a bit faster than my usual speed). Huhhuhuuhuhu. Man... really do need to buy myself a new car. I'm bored of driving manual now, thinking on getting an automatic transmission car. On my top list is most probably Perdana V6 but.. hmmm ntah la. Next is Kia Spectra. and lastly... have to take my father's Kia Sportage. He's probably gonna get a Merc real soon. Ini tidak adil.... aahh.

Anyway... now at home, basiccally doing nothing. Im considering to install Astro here. Duit lagi. Hhahahhahaha... miskin le tahun ni.

By the way... Cloudburst will be playing at Paul's Place on the 5th of Febuary (Saturday). The show starts at 9 and the admision fee would be around RM10. Come and watch us play while enjoying yourself. Other participating band:

Rossu - playing slow rock music
Tom Waits Allison - Progressive / Alternative / Emo Rock
Mush Button - a ska / puck rock group
Frantic - metal group
Cloudburst - slow rock

Support our local scene.

Signing away from the edges!!!

Freezing Feeling

My LIVERPOOL has lost to MAN UTD. Damn it. But, anything can happen in the game of football. Morientes was playing well and he'll become an important asset of Liverpool. Go! Go! Liverpool!!

The end is the beginning of the end

"I have stood here before in the pouring rain
With the world turning circles running 'round my brain
I guess I'm always hoping that you'll end this reign
But it's my destiny to be the king of pain"

King Of Pain by The Police, later sang by Alanis Morissette

Revolving doors

Hahaha...it is 6.15 a.m.
Still haven't have the slightest feeling of sleepy. I'm tired but i can't sleep.

Yesterday, after Sembahyang Jumaat... got back home and watched some cd's. Then, decided to go to Bigg's house. Went there, and we later on decided to go Low Yat and Berjaya Times Square (2 budak yg boros - hahaha).

Balik to his house, watched tv, play some games, download smthing from the net (not pornograffic materials - i repeat, no PORNO).

So... guess i wont be sleeping today. ITs 6.20 a.m. Solat Subuh weeii!! (bukan ada org baca pun pagi2 ni)

Signing off!!

"I know someday you'll have a beautiful life,
I know you'll be a star,
In somebody elses sky,
but why, oh why,
can't it be,
Oh why can't it be in mine" taken from Black by Pearl Jam

Diary Of A Madman (poem)

A Diary Of A Madman
by Bobbo Cordozo

Angst driven,
fueled by rage,
descended by fear,
through rough nightmares.

Equip might,
mounted punches,
eagerly awaits.
the tyrants roar.

Running through,
the forbidden route,
beseiged the past,
he roared unmasked.

Untamed feeling,
unmould depressing,
the tiger's falling,
encaged,
growling.

The king is down,
endlessly he frown.
bindly he was,
restrained,
detained.

For now he's dead,
No one would ever bother,
For someone u'd looked upon,
You threw him down the sewer.

And this was the life of a savior, that
you took him all for granted
a tool, a fool, he's cheated
yet never he'll be remembered

______________________


Kawan, kawan jugak tapi apa gunanya kawan bila tak mampu tolong kawan lain. Kenapa
bila susah baru kita cari kawan? Kenapa bila sunyi baru kita cari kawan? Kenapa kawan
yang kita cari dulu bila ada masalah? Hhahaha... ntahla. Bila senang... gembira. Adat
manusia. For how much i have tried to changed this... semua org tak lari dari benda yg
serupa. Harap2 i would never do this to all my fellow friends, for they were the only thing,
i've ever had. Bukan senang nak jaga hati kawan kan?
Fariq Azad, Nazarudin, Moky, thank you. You all have been very thoughtful. Tak kira
senang-susah, u'd be free to call or msg (kecuali Fariq Azad, kedekut - hehehe).
Always reminded myself that i still got something to hold on.

Ni apa mellow sangat ni.

Hhahahha. Bukan apa, been thinking a lot lately. With all those tsunami's, earthquate la, war la...fake Quran la, hish-- i can't stop wondering, Hari Qiamat is getting nearer. Still, i haven't changed. Been worried a lot. Kawin pun belum... betul ak Bigg (Fariq Azad) hehehhehehhe, ko yg nak kawin sgt kan? hehehe.

This writting bukan ditujukan untuk sapa2 but to myself really. Bukan nak menunjukkan emosi kepada semua org, bukan nak menunjukkan kelemahan diri pada semua org. Kita cuma manusia, kita buat silap. Kengkadang buat silap yang sama again and again. Hahhaha.

Signing off...

"anak itik tok wi, mandi dalam kolam, sakit apa tok wi, sakit sendi tulang" dipetik daripada lagu kanak2 dari Malaysia vol. 3
(hehe... takde ingat lirik lagu apa nak ditulis, so... hentam je la)

You Will Never Walk Alone

I'm just astonished and happy... for now i ment. Me and fellow Liverpool supporters (Fariq Azad, Naza and Moky) would like to welcome Fernando Morientes to Liverpool. You will never walk alone. This the best news ever that hit me within these past 3 month (i was such a boring person, hehehe).

My Liverpool Side:

Morientes / Djibril Cisse /Milan Baros / Mellor / Pongolle

Kewell/Riise Xabi Alonso/Igor Biscan Steven Gerrard / Hamann Nunez / Luis Garcia

Traore/Warnock Sami Hyppia / Pellegrino Jamie Carragher Finnan / Josemi

Dudek / Kirkland

hahahhahaah ... i'm such a football fanatic. LIVERPOOL!!!


Signing Off!!

Polka Dot rage

Hello folks. Nothing to report back. I was kinda lost for 2 days in the row... and still going. Hope to regain myself soon.

Signing off!!

"Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go?
Where you gonna go?
Salvation is here"

Dare You To Move by Switchfoot

Common sense has all gone wrong

Today was a hectic day for me. Woke up late today (mcm la hari lain pun tak late kan?), and then my funky cousin, Mr. Moky Fallopio ajak gi KL. So, both of us bersiap, and then took a quick lunch and off to KL. Moky decided on going by the LRT. Parked the car at Bandar Tasik Selatan.

Bought some things. Also got some DVD... cheap 3 for RM10. hehehhe. Not that i am supporting these pirated dvd's ke apa. Ahh... duit pun takde lagi nak beli yg original. Ingat nak shopping Raya Haji sekali... tapi takde apa yg menarik (hehe rasa mcm perempuan lak, memilih sunguh... Auuwww!!!) hahhaha (Hoi... pondan ke?) ... sori... sori.

Lately... He's back. Hhahaha... To tell you the truth, sometimes.... i got this personallity changes. From Mr. Bobby Cardozo... i can become this very cunning, deceiving and adventurous person. I call him, Fahmi. All my guy friends tau about him. Hahhaha. A very bold person and sikit gila. Hhahahha. Takut kan? Hhahaha. Not to say that Mr. Bobby ni lembut... taaaakk... cuma Mr Bobby ni... a very laid low person. Takde hype2 punya. Hhahahhaha. But... dua dua character ni lebih kurang sama dan baik. Hhaaha (angkat bakul), cuma Fahmi... berani sket, daring, fun.
hahahahhahaahaha. Banyak ketawa hari ni.... gelap hati.

Peace off!!

"You cram your culture down my throat
Say I'm inferior when I find that I choke
You fill my mind with a false sense of history
And then you wonder why I have no identity?
Well I'll strike a match and it'll catch and
Spread the insight we need
A tiny fire, burning bright
Shedding light on the darkness of greed"

taken from the bold Darkness Of Greed performed by Rage Against the Machine

The Young and The Hopeless

Dengan ini... secare rasminya... diumumkan, tiada pemenang.
Takde yg send me any msges. Takpelah... save le nmpaknya. Guess you guys thing that i was joking about that aren't you? Takpelah.

Next time ok.

Beza hehehe dan hihihi dengan hahaha

Promosi berakhir at 12 o'clock tonight!!!

CEPAT!!! CEPAT!!... sementara stock masih ada.

Promotion yang merugikan diri sendiri :)

Hi
Actually, just wanna let you people know, i'll start selling my cd's in few month's time. But. being friends, i'm giving you a chance to get a copy from me for free (tertakluk kepada syarat2 penyertaan).

The CD entitled "Cloudburst - Running On Low" will be price mark at RM10 (murah le tu). To all friends yang would like the cd, kindly post me a msg at cloudburst_online@hotmail.com and i'll post you the cd (it's free + i'll post the cd for free).

Hehhee... nmpak sangat takde kerja and nak membazir. But this offer is for the 5 fastest reply. Nama2 yang berjaya akan disiarkan kemudian. Hmmm... please let 4-5 weeks bagi penghantaran.
Send in your full name, contact number and full address. Pihak Encik Bobby tidak bertanggungjawab keatas cd-cd yg tidak sampai (dah bagi free pun dah kira ok kan?)

Hehhee .. just being extra nice, like always.

Signing off!!!

"Now if you think, that u've won, turn around...
And if you think, that u're done, turn around...
I won't be a fool, i won't be your tool,
You can't get me down." taken from the upcoming Cloudburst cd - Descend

Pengumuman penting utk Raya Haji

My dear friends. I've posted a new song on www.i-bands.net from the upcoming new album. If you're free, stream or you can downloaded them. The song title is "Cats and Dogs" a very catchy tune i might add. Hehhee. Browse to www.i-bands.net at search for cloudburst.

Thanks all. You've done enough.

The Used (poem)

The used
by Bobby Cardozo

Sorry this,
Sorry that,
For a minute you meant this,
A second later you ask what.

You moaned,
You growl,
Of times of bad.
You ignore,
You spit,
The best we've had.

How do you see me,
Am i too good for you,
How do you let this be,
What bring benefits to you.

After all the years you used me,
All all the memories was all for free,

You see,
You used me,
I understand,
but you hear me,
for what turns around,
comes around.
I bet my life,
I'll be the one,
who will stomp you,
down to ground.

Suffer is just a tideous word,
I will bring you hell,
mark my words.

Lately asyik buat mellow kind of poem je. Pelik. Next time i will try to do something else mcm poem utk org nak kahwin ke, poem naik bas ke, poem beli nasi lemak ke... hmm.. will try that.

Deleting off!!

" Light, like the flutter of wings, feel your hollow voice rushing into me
As you're longing to sing
So I... I will paint you in silver, I will wrap you in cold
I will lift up your voice as I sink" Silver and Cold by A.F.I

When everythings gone wrong

Hmm... was quite full. My uncle treat me, and his kids for dinner at Victoria Station. I'm on for Chicken Maryland today, i don't know why.

Everything has been different lately. Makan haven't been as nice as always, been sleeping late and not feeling well. But the lawak bodoh is still a part of my daily rotation. Been makin life miserable for my cousin and my uncle's maid. Hhahahhaha (why do i keep on laughing) Hahhahaha (there it goes again).

Tomorrow apa plan? Ntah... gonna stay up late again tonight.

Ahhh... i'm off

"There's close enough
And there's too far
It won't change an empty stare
But I can't seem to end
These images
Hauntingly looks like hell

So to care or
Plead silence
Weak hands are calling " Panic Prone - Chevelle

A Blurry View of an Outsider (poem)

A Blurry View of an Outsider
By Bobby Cardozo


Slowly sit and slowly breathe,
Eyeing movements before i sit,
People are talking, most try to boast,
Peeping hot at the awkward host,

Drink,
toast,
senses,
close.

Walked around the corner, hiding,
If someone smile, what would i ask,
Everyone's laughing. i panickly looked,
I smile grimly, they look unpressed,

Heart,
stop,
mind,
crash,

I closed my eyes,
mumbling deep, but mouth - shut,
wanted to talk, dare not to speak,
Every move went stiff, every words in mess.

Senses cloud,
heart doubt,
need to be out,
have to be out.


Life is in mess now... tolooonnnggg.... :)

"Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine ahead has caught my eye
And roped me in so mesmerizing
It's so hypnotizing
I am captivated
I am

Vindicated" as performed by Dashboard Confessional in Vindicated

Free Me!! (Poem)

Free me!!
by Bobby Cardozo

Currently feeling unsecure.
Feels like being used.
Trying to search for answers.
Dazed and confused.

Running endlessly,
Towards the bottom-less fun,
Deprived from honesty
Sanity lost within breakin sun.

Try to grab hold,
Something that out of reach,
Seeing those fake gold,
Holding to something you can't keep.

It seems like i'm lost,
Lost beneath the steady sea,
Heart is like a cold frost,
Please someone, let me be free.

More poems coming. Been carefully counting the same days that past away. Having been doing the same thing for quite sometimes now. Desperately need to get out from this mess.

Hmmm... dah pukul 4.00 petang ni. Nak gi main bola takde geng. Gi pinjam vcd lagi lah. Gonna pinjam any box set i think. Movie marathon. Tengok movie sampai muntah... i guess.

Bobby's out!!

"He's there in case I want it all
He's there cause I want
He's scared cause I want it all
He's there cause I want

All in all the clock is slow
Six color pictures all in a row
Of a marigold" taken from Marigold as performed by Dave Grohl in Nirvana Prescious Rareties

Select the unselected (Poem)

Select the unselected
by Bobby Cardozo


Alone,
Now on stand-by,
Adrift from reality,
Checking proper identity.

Untouched,
Unknown to friends,
Living full in sarcastic life,
Clog in countless identities.

Morally laid,
Devide to tell the truth,
Or walk the path of lies,
One must see by self.

Hold him,
May he never walk alone,
Guide him to reality,
Help him find - Immortality


Currently feeling unsecure. Don't know why? Ahh... nevermind lah.

"Untuk seketika, aku hilang kawalan diri, untuk seketika, aku HILANG" Cuai by Butterfingers
Rasa mcm ni gak ni... hmmm Aiiyaaa!!!

After all these years...

I'm having as much rest as possible until works come knocking on my door. Having fun, playing the guitar, sleep late, woke up late and watching vcd's and dvd's. Recently my cousin, Moky Fallopio became a member of this one vcd shop and since then, we've been killing our free time with watcing vcds. Hahhaha... we would probably manage to score watching 12 cd and more in 1 week. Cool. Nampak sangat takde kerja. Hhehehhe.

Still having bad nightmares. Been "crazy" and "hyper" lately. Hmm... only God knows why.


"i'm half the man, i've used to be" - Creep by Stone Temple Pilots

Tired, dazed, and confused...

Today i got lots of calls regarding the Malaysian games last night. All of my friends kinda dissappointed towards the outcome. Hmm... well guys, the damaged done. Those fools blew their chances off. Thru my years playing for the school, playing with my fellow friends in Batak FC, and while training with my fellow Maybank team members, i've seen many talented players. Is there any much wrong in these Malaysian team players. Yes, they didn't have the right attitude towards the game, but it is more than that. I guess, in few weeks time, the Football Federation of Malaysia will be sacking the National coach. But, he did nothing wrong. It is always been the coaches fault when we lost. What about the Federation? Did you do anything to improve the situation. Enough raising and pointing fingers. Ahh!! Damn... i am so darn dissappointed. Enough with the football crap. Tetiba emotional pulak ek... hehehe. Nevermind.

Just finished watching The Story of Nirvana on Astro. Hmm... and currently feeling sad. Really admire their involvements in music. Hope our band can do the same. For those reading, please support local bands. It is for the sake of our country name too. If you're free, visit www.i-bands.net and search for Cloudburst. Take a listen and post any comments at the doodle board.

Well, enough for now... i am feeling weary now. So many things are caught up with me, too much problems to think on. Hmm.. if only there's someone to listen.

Signing off!!

" Tonight I'm tangled in my blanket of clouds
Dreaming aloud, Things just won't do without you, matter of fact
Ohh ohh ohh, I'm on your back" Walking After You - Foo Fighters

A view from the tunnel

Hmm...
It is a waste of energy, a waste of time, a waste of everything. I might as well sit infront of a tv,, watching Astro's live coverage of Liverpool agains Norwich City. Ly Liverpool won by 2 goals to 1. Go Liverpool, screw you Malaysian soccer team.

The stupid playing Malaysian, in spite of having an aggregate lead of 3-1 lost the match. The hungry Indonsz scored a massive 4 goals in 20 minutes. The players seems confused. Well Malaysian soccer team, i only have something to say about your performance... YOU ALL SUCK AT PLAYING FOOTBALL. Damn you all. Not gonna waste my time watching your match anymore. It was a total disgrace, not only to the country, but also to the supportive fans who came all over Malaysia to cheer for their team. And you all repay us with a 1-4 lost to Indonsz. I am so fill with anger now. It was plain nonsense. Damn... this gonna cause me migrain again.

Liverpool win. Great.

" Some will learn; many do.
Cover up or spread it out.
Turn around, had enough,
Pick and choose or pass it on.
Buying in, heading for
Suffer now or suffer then.
Its bad enough
I want the fear...need the fear" Vitamin R performed by Chevelle

Calculative perspective

Hmm... the weather's great today. Kinda dull and senseless.
Tonight, will have a chance to watch Malaysia in action against the Indonsz. Hope Malaysia win so that i can tell it to my bibik (she's from the Indonsz). If The Indonsz win, she would be like making a big deal out of it. Before this when Malaysia won 2-1 during the first leg, she was like, menang nasib, indonesia scored first, apa laa tu laa ini laaa. So Malaysia... have to win.

Going to the stadium, with a free tickets... BEST!!

Anyway, want to wish congratulation to Mrs Hasrina Fazlin for the birth of her first baby boy. May this son of yours bring cheers and light to the marriage. Happy to know that u're fine. Speedy recovery. Bila mahu tunjuk the baby boy dengan uncle bobby. :)
Congratulations.


"Little country store, where the sign tag to the side, said there's no LOITERING allowed. Underneath that sign, always congregated quite a crowd... take a bottle, drink it down, pass it around, take a bottle, drink it, pass it again, pass it... pass it around" - Crazy Mary by Pearl Jam

Fall and fall again - i fly

Waahh... Hepi new year everybody.
The insane yet cute guy is currently in KL. Wasting time, money and life itself.

Waa... my teacher got up with a new year resolution. Surely i have to make one. Here goes:

1) Enuff destroying own life, now, let others suffer. hehehhe (jahat bukan)
2) Create a new wave of musical exploration thru Cloudburst
3) Start selling the CD's (cover lawa tau)
4) Make everyone around me feels better. I am your man!!!
5) WORK!!
6) WORK out (ehee... out tulis kecik je)
7) Make more poems and become a sasterawan negeri (rasanya to sasterawan negara would take me several more years)
8) Gonna have a big birthday this year ( it has been 20 years now since i last celebrate my birthday)
9) Find the heir to the family (the nenek is bising already)
10) To be able to make it to the next new year. I hope

Hahhhaha... hope you all will have a great future ahead. Need help, u can always call me. Be there. Open to everyone (yg bace this blog pun will be amongs friend je)

Take care all!!


"I never really, wanted you to see, the screwed up side of me, that i keep. Locked inside of me so deep, always seems to get to me. Never really wanted you to go, so much thing you should have known, i guess all i i mean is no, never ment to be so cold"