Ruin by the selling out

Hello guys.
Just finished playing football with my student. My team won 4-2 and i manage to make 1 beautiful assist after i've changed my position from the goalie to the midfielder. Cool huh!!.

From now on... students will not gonna call me "Tuan Saiful" lagi but with my newly given nickname, "The Flying Englishman" because i was like flying here and there saving the ball and then for i am their english teacher. Cool lagi...!!!

Hmm.. enough with that. Still currently feeling low. Rasa tak semangat nak bercakap. Guess i'll just be quiet for a few days. I'll just speak up when smthing important came up. Bad (my housemate) realized the sudden change in my personality... tapi takpe. Ni kira macam period lelaki la ni. Hhahahhahahah!!!

Blog hopped to my friend blog today. It seems like she and all my other friends whose currently working there is having difficulties. Sedih laa tgh all my friends are having such hellful times. I do hope everything will be great soon. Let us all berdoa for that ok.

Cukup for now... esok still have to mengajar 2 hours lagi. Boring sungguh. But then petang boleh main bola lagi. Hahhahaha "The Flying Englishman".

p/s: missed someone a lot kot? Hhahahhahaha. Ntah. Hhahahhahahhahaha!!! Gilalah!!!

Trigger Happy

I am currently inside the school's computer lab. Boring sungguh. I got 2 period classes at 11 to 1.

Hmm... Need to bust my head open writing question paper for the form 4 students. Apa takde cikgu lain yang lebih berkelayakan ke? Ahh... just buat saja lah. Benda simple. Takperlu to gaduh2 about it.

Injured my foot last night. Was feeling down. I did some serious thinking last night and tak sedar smpai jatuh longkang. I did not speak to any of my housemates at all. Guess some people wouldn't understand other people problems. So, why bother to tell other people. Hhahhhaa.

Today is not much different either. It sux. All my friends will look for me whenever they're in trouble, bila senang... takde pulak cari kan? Hhahhaa. Biasalah tu manusia. Alhamdullillah, i don't think that i'm able to be like that. Kalau ada susah pun i'll look for my friends, kalau seronok pun i will look for my friends. Hhahhaha cool!!!

Apa apa hal pun... have fun folks. Take good care of yourself. May God bless u all.

p/s: the word care is easy to be said but it is very difficult to do

The summary

I'll just put everything in a brief summary on what had happen these past few weeks. Hahhahhaahaha... gila lah hectic.

1) Kalau dulu i'm free 24/7, now tak lagi. I'm currently working as a lecturer/instructor dekat Maktab Tentera Diraja (RMC).
2) Cloudburst is currently doing great.
3) Having to give a lot of speeches here and there as a guest.
4) Yesterday and today, i was invited as an honorary guest judge for the HELP University College - National English Debate Competition. Best!!!.
5) The youngest male bachelor of the school. So, currently kita HOT stuff sekolah. Hahhahaha.
6) Will handle/in charge of many other activities = hectic hours.
7) Syasya and Khaliz finally made it thru. Kawin cepat2, elak maksiat. hahhaha.
8) My current health is OK, i think. Cuma minor migrain saja. Guess i'll be fine for now. Hahhaa.

There's more to type in tapi maybe later lah. I got so many work to do. See ya!!!

p/s: Khaliz... take good care of syasya and niena.. they both are very important family of mine. Hahhaha.

Bobby's out

- Love, Rock, Peace, Sacrifices!!!

Scrap Metal!!!

I'm back and currently recovering. Been sewel for the last 3 weeks back. Hahahha. Biasalaa tu. Sekarang ni gila hectic with life. Apa2 hal pun, i'm back and flying high. Feel free to post on any new messages. Kalau ada any masalah u know where to find me...

Finally, "the man" is back!!!

Send the pain below...the end!!!

Hai... now resting silently at Khaliz's house in Serdang. He's cool enought to lend me a spot at his house for me to stop by. Tak tau bila im going back to Penang. Still on job hunt. Those stupid Kementerian Pendidikan people still belum offer me any job. Tired of waiting. Currently seeking job situated in Putrajaya, Selangor and KL. Malaslah nak kerja kat Penang. Baru offer for a post as a New Zealand consular. Macam jadi duta Malaysia at New Zealand. Hope i get it. Its about time that i leave Malaysia behind. I got nothing to look forward over here.

I can't start thinking about my messed up life now. If i tried to, my migraine attack will come again. I don't know for how long i can hold on. Was miserable last night. Luckily Khaliz was there to offer help. Syasya also managed to call. Tired to face this miserable pain again and again. Hope i can find someone to take care of me soon. Screw those people that say u'r phethetic if ur writing expressing on an issue about this. I'm sick and that's it. I want to live a normal life without having any migraine, any heart problem, any chest pain. Its depressing. Damn!!! hahahhaha.

This might be my last entry. I don't know. I'll constantly check the tag board for any future messages from any of my friends. I'll try to reply. If i can't, sorry ya. I'll try to finish my short story too. All are invited to read my stupid writing by clicking the "dead poet" link.

Finally, before i end this... i realize that... i have fallen for someone. She's nice, but lately... ntahlah. She's far away, sebab tu yang susah kot. Altho i don't actually care wasting money on her, hahahhaha. Senang nak suka kat orang. Hhahhaha. Guess, i can only see u away from here. Hope that u'll be happy. It was nice talking to u. I had such fun. I feel happy talking to u. Hhahhaa. It was fun and interesting. Ur smart, lovely and strong. Your smile was a sea of colorful coral and fishes... perfect (waahhh... ayat!). Hope yr future will be full with joy and laughter. Be strong. It was nice to know u. Walaupun sekejap. You will meet your handsome prince nanti... hhahaha. ketawa lagi, hahha. Hhahhahha.. jiwangnya mamat ni. Hhahaha dammit... i'm sick. I can do anything that i want. Hhahhhaha. Never really beranikan diri to talk about this before. Hahahuahauahuahuaa. Gila lah!!! (if u know who u are... i'm sorry to do this to u... but just hav to... for i am living on borrowed time, i beg for your forgiveness. This might be among the stupidest thing i've ever made. Hhuahuhahahaha)

Enough said... love, peace and empathy.

Hope to see u all again in the near future. I hope.

Mohd Saiful Annuar, signing off... take care!!!
(if anybody ever need me, just send a msg thru the tag board or send it to, surf_explorer@hotmail.com or batak_explorer@yahoo.com. )

p/s: Moky... hope e'thing's cool with yr UTM problems. Everything will be fine. Kalau tak fine pun kita leh go to Moscow/Germany/France together. Start life kat sana. Hhahahhaa. Raya pun takyah balik. Hhahahaa. I'm cool with it. hahhahaha.

All alone is all we are

Hmm... IT is just 8 o'clock and i've already started to feel uneasy about life today. Hhahaha.
Now on ym with syasya. She's been a great help. My only sunshine for now. Hahhaa. Kawin laa cepat... boleh bob jadi ayah angkat.

I am such a negative thinker. Whenever there's thing yang made me feel unsettled, i started to think negatively. I shouldn't but... it happen. Susahla kalau macam ni kan? Hahhahahhaa.

Takpelah... we'll see how far i can go. Still got syasya to hold my hand and guide me thru... hope its enough. I hope.

The Wedding Plan (bukan jiwang la)

Hmm... lately banyak sungguh entry pasal kahwin kat everywhere i bloghop. Ni yang nak kawin ni. Dah tua sangat ni. Hhahhahaha. Duit setakat ni no problem... nak tanggung je tak confirm lagi. hahahhha.

Next week ada 2 wedding invitation tapi i can't go. i'm in KL right now. Habiskan time and money as always. hehhee.

That's it... next time.

ps: Ingat.... ni bukan pasal jiwang atau gatal.. terasa nak kawin je. Hhahahha... member2 semua dah ada anak masing masing. Teringin laa pulak nak sorang kan. Hhahahh... well... when ur heading beyond 25... u should start thinking about this. Hahha. ketawa lagi... hahhahaaha

The thought!!!

Lately... thinking about someone... someone that actually i shouldn't be. Hahhaha... nak buat macam mana.

Syasya... help!!! hehehe... u know my problem right? hhahahha.

Bintang Di Surga

Bintang di Surga
Peter Pan

masih ku merasa angkuh
terbang kenanganku jauh
langit kan menangkapku
walau kan terjatuh

dan bila semua tercipta
hanya untuk ku merasakan
semua yang tercipta
hampa hidup terasa

lelah tatapku mencari
mencari
erti untukku membagi
menemani langkahku
namun tak bererti

dan bila semua tercipta
tanpa harus ku merasakan
cinta yang tersisa
hampa hidup terasa

bagai bintang di surga
dan seluruh warna
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata

oh bintang di surga
berikan cerita
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata ...

1 word - SEDIH!!!

With this manly tears!!!

With this manly tears!!!
by Bobby Cardozo

Drift away, my cold clean tears,
Embark on a journey of self torment,
Engulf the bewitched road of lies,
Crushing folded doubt in life.

Disperse, my cold clean tears,
For you have seen my bad day,
I'll let you out and drop away,
Away from all horror display.

Farewell, my cold clean tears,
May we'll never meet again,
For i am now tired and tainted,
For i am now weak and fallen.

Goodbye, my cold clean tears,
For i know that others will take action,
Perhaps later, tomorrow or in near future,
Triggered by my own self depression.

Hehehe... moral: walaupun buruk macam mana pun muka bila menangis... when u need to cry... u cry. Its illogical to say taht man cannot cry, kalau macam tu kenapa Tuhan create tears. Hhahahahha... Tapi nak nangis pun tgk tempat la.... jangan kat tengah2 KLCC... itu bukan menangis.. itu tengah berlakon lah. Hhahhahaha.

Until my next entry... take care folks and have fun!!!

A Long December

A Long December - Counting Crows
song & words by: Adam Duritz

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...
I guess I should


This is my favourite slow song ever!!! waaahhahahahhahaa!!!

My Suicidal Dream

My Suicidal Dream

I dream about how it's going to end,
Approaching me quickly.
Leaving a life of fear,
I only want my mind to be clear.

People making fun of me,
For no reason but jealousy.
I fantasise about my death,
I'll kill myself from holding my breath,

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Help me,
comfort me,
Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.
The rope is here, now I'll find a use.
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in a noose.

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Dreamin' about my death, dream...


Moral: Sad to say... commit suicide masuk neraka tau!!! :)

Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah... lantak lah!! hehe

Haaahahahaahahaaa... boring sungguh.

Today nak buat apa? One thing for sure... i got to go shopping. Wardrobe untuk kerja i only got a few je. So... wahahahaa... habis laa duit.

But, i'm no fashion freak. I wear what i want to wear. Hmm.. baju takde... pants dah banyak... black leather shoes takde.... perfume dah siap.... belt.. ada... hmm... wallet... dah buruk.. ahaha kena beli gak.... tie... dah banyak... hmm... stokin... takde (asyik kebas stokin bowling yg murah tu je) hehehe. Hmm.. banyak nak abis duit ni... tension tension.

Next week i might be coming down to KL again... syasya... ready your purse... kita gi shopping lagi. Teman bob okeh bebeh!! hahahahaa.

Sad but still kinda Rockishly cool... hehehe

Hahhaa... don't know why... but i'm hurt. Not physically but more on mentally and heartly (ada ke? hehhee).

No Problem!!! hehehe. I'm still cool.


5 song lyrics running in my head:

- Don't even think about getting inside. Voices in my head. Ooh, voices. I got scratches all over my arms. One for each day since I fell apart. I did, oh, what I had to do. If there was a reason it was you. ( Footsteps - Pearl Jam)

- It's good to know that you are home for Christmas. It's good to know that you are doing wel.l It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting. It's good to know I'm feeling not so well. Because my inside is outside. My right side's on my left side. Cause I'm writing to reach you now but I might never reach you. Only want to teach you... about you, but that's not you... you know its true... that won't do. ( Writing to reach you - Travis )

- Hanging on. Here until I'm gone. Right where I belong. Just hanging on even though I watched you come and go. How was I to know, you'd steal the show. One day I'll have enough to gamble, I'll wait to hear your final call and bet it all. ( February Stars - Foo Fighters )

- Could we have known. Never would I, have helped to nail down. With nothing to gain, here's the clincher, this should be youn made cold and cripple This happened to be never changing Holding inside, the phobia, Made cold and crippled, ending it all. ( The Clincher - Chevelle )

- Some will learn, many do. Cover up or spread it out. Turn around, had enough, Pick and choose or pass it on. Buying in, heading for, Suffer now or suffer then. Its bad enough I want the fear...need the fear, cause he's alone... (where have we gone)... and he's alone (where have we come). ( Vitamin R - Chevelle )

When u think u can't go on....

You STOP!!! ... *sigh*

Anyway... i'm back in Penang after a long wonderful weekend. During my trip back to Penang... i pushed myself to sleep the whole journey... for the sighting on my side was so horridly discusting... Sitting beside me... was... 2 stupid indian gay partner. Seeing all those holding hands... cuddling eith each other... rasa nak bangun... terajang je. Hhehehee. Dah gatal sgt pun... buat laa masa org tak nmpak. Damn u gay guys. Not that i'm against "gaycism" <-- (ada ke?)... but please, manners... arrghh ... sure i can't sleep. Pejam mata je nmpak that 2 stupid bloke. Tension!!!

P/s: Syasya.... thanks for accompanying me the whole weekend. It was enjoyable and fun. Thank you sunshine. Nanti bob belanja pulak. Hehhee... take care. Miss you already.

tapi dia tak hensem? hkkehkhekhe

"He was not handsome"..Read it.. This is based on a true story.. If you like it, re-post it.. Perhaps you will find the love youhave been waiting for all this time..
_____________________

He was not handsome..But he had feelings..One day, he felt in love with a woman..A woman he really had a crush on..But he realized that he was not handsome..So he kept it deep inside his heart..

He was not handsome..Knowing this, he still approached the girl he admired.. Upon approaching her, he asked her name and asked for her number.. They came into contact with each other.. The guy was happy and he felt nice talking to the lady..

He was not handsome..He had to remember this all the time.. He knew he couldn't say out his wish to the lady..However, one day, he took up the strength to call that lady.. When he was about to pick up the reciever, the phone rang..It was her..His crush...His lady of his dreams..She asked him out on that night..There was no reason for him to say NO..That night, they went to a restaurant..for dinner..

He was not handsome..This was proven to him at that night..When the lady told him that she had a crush on a guy..He was crushed into pieces by his own crush..but he didnt say a word..He knew it..He was not handsome...

He was not handsome..and he knew he won't get his girl of his dream..So he intended to help the lady out..He took the lady to the guy whom she had a crush on.. After a week, he saw the lady dating with the guy..He knew that there is no more hope for him..

He was not handsome..and this made him loose his love..He just kept his feelings deep inside his heart..But it was okay for him..as his love was happy with the guy she loved..

He was not handsome..but maybe his powerful love brought his lady back to him..One day, the lady came all the way crying to him..She said to him that she lost her virginity and the guy dumped her..She was all in tears and didnt know where to go..

He was not handsome.. but he loved her..He wiped the tears off the lady and gave a warm hug..The lady felt the warm feel gush through her nerves and touch her heart deep inside..She realized that this is her true love..

He was not handsome..but he found his love finally..and he was happy ...

p/s: looks are not really the most important thing in love..Consider the feelings ofthe ppl around you..You might just findthat true love of yours..He may not behandsome..but he might love you more thananyone could ever love you.. and that is greater than some handsome idiots who doesn't love u.

Hmm... found this story from one of my friendster's buddies. Well... for those in the same situation as the guy... cheer up. It is how the world treat u. Reality check mate. Hehhehe.. Life can be cruel. Boleh buat drama nih. Sure laku kat cinema!!

"Boleh percaya ke? tapi saya cuba jugak" from Waheeda... iklan syampoo. hehhehe
(dulu selalu letak lirik lagu as ending quote... sekarang nak letak famous quotes la pulak)

As the day walks by....

Got a masterful bliss of migrain last night. Tak boleh tido nih... tension sungguh!

Today... my bassist called me at early morning. Member dah siap lagu baru, another sad tempo song entitled "February". Ada apa2 ke... hehhee mcm dedicated to smone je. Hope she'll finally see your true feelings towards her. Cheer up bro... jangan serabut serabut. Ko pun good looking gak... gaji sedap nak cecah 3 tuu.... hehehhe (kalau ovetime setengah mati la). Belanja laa...
Hope everything goes out well. I'll back u up.

About the song... kita dah banyak slow tempo song... i'll try to make other upbeat songs for our next album. This time... Cloudburst will be going worldwide. Get ready for i'll try to raise some funds for the opening of Raindrops Records. Nak jadi tauke nih.. hehhehe. Hope it will come true. My very own recording label.

"Could we have known
Never would I, helped to nail down
With nothing to gain
Here's the clincher, this should be you...

This happened to be never changing
Holding inside, the phobia
Made cold and crippled,
ending it all ... now saturate...the earth"

taken from Chevelle - The Clincher

Along the thin line...

Hmm.. nothing much. Woke up at 10 today... hahhahahhaa, buruk sungguh perangai.

Hmm... (hmm lagi...) I was like terjaga around 5 a.m. and all the sudden i can't feel my body. My hand feels lembut mcm a snake. I simply rasa that i got no bone. I was like... masyaallah... is this it? Will i be going this soon. Well... not to say that i don't want to go... but i still have to clean up all my dirty sins of my chest before i can go. Dosa banyak sangat ni... heehehe. I was afraid but at the same time i was calm. Entahlaa... i'm feeling drowsy today. Mungkin sebab tak cukup tidur. Hope that i'll be fine. Still got to say sorry to a lot of people... and perhaps for that... i can't go now. I hope.

See u folks later. Love and Peace...

Stupidly... this is how i feel right now!!!

Vindicated
Dashboard Confessional

Hope dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption
Winding in and winding out
The shine of it has caught my eye

And roped me in
So mesmerizing, so hypnotizing
I am captivated

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear

Like the diamond in your ring
Cut to mirror your intentions
Oversized and overwhelmed
The shine of which has caught my eye
And rendered me
So isoloated, so motivated
I am certain now that

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
So clear

So turn
Up the corners of your lips
Part them and feel my finger tips
Trace the moment, fall forever
Defense is paper thin
Just one touch and I'd be in
Too deep now to ever swim against the current
So let me slip away (3x)
So let me slip against the current
So let me slip away (4x)

I am Vindicated
I am selfish
I am wrong
I am right
I swear I'm right
I swear I knew it all along

And I am flawed
But I am cleaning up so well
I am seeing in me now the things you swore you saw yourself
Slight hope

It dangles on a string
Like slow spinning redemption...
______________________________

Hehhehe... mamat ni pehal ni. Anyway... while Sembahyang Jumaat tadi... my stress and migraine has come back. For awhile there... couldn't raise my hand and my body feels numb. Rasa untuk seketika lumpuh sekejap. What will happen to me next... bersambung pada waktu yg sama minggu depan... dalam rancangan... hehehe. Well... takut... takut jugak... but... dah biasa. Hmm... still writing songs for today... hari ni ada mood self pity sket. So... semua lirik lagu hari ni sound depressing. Hehehe...

Surf's out dudes!!!

UNTUK SEKETIKA... AKU HILANG KAWALAN DIRI!!!

Rumble in my heart

Peter Pan
Ada Apa Denganmu

Sudah maafkan aku
Segala salahku
Dan bila kau tetap bisu
Ungkapkan salahmu
Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku...

Sudah lupakan semua
Segala berubah
Dan kita terlupa
Dan kita terluka
Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku...

Kutanya malam
Dapatkah kau lihatnya
Perbedaan yang tak terungkapkan
Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah
Ada apa denganmu ?!?
Oh..Hanya malam
Dapat meleburkan segala rasa
Yang tak terungkapkan
Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah
Ada apa denganmu ?!?

Dan aku sifatku
Dan aku khilafku
Dan aku cintaku
Dan aku rinduku...

Ni kiranya tgh jadi lagu favourite aku ngan khaliz (cloudburst) hehehhe... best la. Cuba la dengar. Bukan jiwang laaa... layan je!! khekhekhehke,

Currently writing a few lyric for the new Cloudburst's album... tunggu. Ingat nak buat lagu melayu satu.