My current addict

The Best Of You - Foo Fighters

I’ve got another confession to make
I’m your fool
Everyone’s got their chains to break
Holding you
Were you born to resist?
Or be abused?
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
Or are you gone and on to someone new?

I needed somewhere to hang my head
Without your noose
You gave me something that I didn’t have
But had no use
I was too weak to give in
Too strong to lose
My heart is under arrest again
But I’ll break loose
My head is giving me life or death
But I can’t choose
I swear I’ll never give in but
I refuse
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It’s real, the pain you feel
Your trust?
You must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?

Has someone taken your faith?
It’s real, the pain you feel
The life, the love you’d die to heal

The hope that starts the broken heart
Your trust?
You must confess
Is someone getting the best, the best, the best, the best of you?
I’ve got a another confession, my friend
I’m no fool
I’m getting tired of starting again
somewhere new

Were you born to resist or be abused?
I swear I’ll never give in - I refuse
Is someone getting the best of you?


Foo Fighters have released their fifth album up to date. And its a treat for all grunge fans. Long live rock n' roll. Foo Fighters - In Your Honor, in stores now!!!

((...@..~:( * ):~..@...))

I'm in pain so much, suffering from this serious migraine. God, help me get through this for You're the only One that can give me strengh to fight this. HambaMu tak mampu.

Maybe the fact that i'm thingking too much about life, someone, work, family and friends. Hahhahaa, for the time being, i can only laugh my way out :)

WIRES by Athlete (song)

I don't know why... this song is stuck on my head.

Wires
You got wires, going in
You got wires, coming out of your skin
You got tears, making tracks,
I got tears, that are scared of the fact

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
I seen hope is here
In a plastic box
I've seen christmas lights, reflect in your eyes

You got wires, going in
You got wires, coming out of your skin
There's dry blood, on your wrist
Your dry blood, On my fingertip

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
got to get to you
got to see this through

First night of your life
Curled up on your own
Looking at me now
You would never know

I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

I see it in your eyes
I see it in your eyes
You'll be alright

Allright...

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
I see hope is here
In a plastic box
I've seen Christmas lights reflect in your eyes

Running down corridors through,
automatic doors
Got to get to you
Got to see this through
First night of your life
Curled up on your own
Looking at you now
You would never know

This is such a special song. Hhahahhahahaa..... sumpit!!!

A Trip To Remember

Hello folks.
Here i am again after a few days off. As some of you might know, me and my friends were off to Sarawak for a wedding of our close gal friend. Congratulations to Suzi and Nicholas. I' so happy for you suzi, you're like a sister to me. During the ceremony, we we're so suprised by the warm hospitality of this Bidayuh's family. We were cheered, not to forget being pampered. Hhahahha. It was fun all the way. Diraikan macam kerabat diraja.

So, alang2 dah sampai Sarawak tu, apa lagi... joli sakan le. Hhahahha... for the first time, kitorang mcm tourist... hahahaha, jakun siot. There 10 of us, hitching a ride, walking all over Kuching laughing and creating unwanted havoc in the city. Sempat singgah ke Pasar Satok. Tapi sayang, i can't buy so many things for my dearest friends sebab belum dapat gaji :).

Tapi this is a very worth it trip i've ever made. Sempat main beach volleyball lagi. Dah laa semua asyik buat lawak je. Hhehehe... it was nice.... so... nice!!!

Above average life

Hello.
I have been very busy these past 2 weeks. Takde masa even to log into my own blog. It has been hectic, sampai tidur pun mengigau pasal kerja. Next week i will be busy with sports. I'm currently handling football and handball. With my great coaching ability (angkat bakul), RMC manage to win gold for the MSSKL handball tournement. The school was quite proud for me for bringing thechampionship title to RMC only after 3 weeks workingin RMS. Cool sungguh. HEHEHEHEHE. Next week akan ada KL Open for handball. I'm aiming to coach KL probably next year. Hahahahahha.

Not only that, i will probably act as a judge for next week's Piala Perdana Menteri debate competition, not to mention a few other competition that i need to attend. Gila betul.

By the way... will be going to Sarawak this upcoming 3rd of june. Ada sapa2 nakpesan anything from Sarawak? Kirim duit dulu.... i'm broke!!! Hahahhahahaha

I'll see u all later.

Ruin by the selling out

Hello guys.
Just finished playing football with my student. My team won 4-2 and i manage to make 1 beautiful assist after i've changed my position from the goalie to the midfielder. Cool huh!!.

From now on... students will not gonna call me "Tuan Saiful" lagi but with my newly given nickname, "The Flying Englishman" because i was like flying here and there saving the ball and then for i am their english teacher. Cool lagi...!!!

Hmm.. enough with that. Still currently feeling low. Rasa tak semangat nak bercakap. Guess i'll just be quiet for a few days. I'll just speak up when smthing important came up. Bad (my housemate) realized the sudden change in my personality... tapi takpe. Ni kira macam period lelaki la ni. Hhahahhahahah!!!

Blog hopped to my friend blog today. It seems like she and all my other friends whose currently working there is having difficulties. Sedih laa tgh all my friends are having such hellful times. I do hope everything will be great soon. Let us all berdoa for that ok.

Cukup for now... esok still have to mengajar 2 hours lagi. Boring sungguh. But then petang boleh main bola lagi. Hahhahaha "The Flying Englishman".

p/s: missed someone a lot kot? Hhahahhahaha. Ntah. Hhahahhahahhahaha!!! Gilalah!!!

Trigger Happy

I am currently inside the school's computer lab. Boring sungguh. I got 2 period classes at 11 to 1.

Hmm... Need to bust my head open writing question paper for the form 4 students. Apa takde cikgu lain yang lebih berkelayakan ke? Ahh... just buat saja lah. Benda simple. Takperlu to gaduh2 about it.

Injured my foot last night. Was feeling down. I did some serious thinking last night and tak sedar smpai jatuh longkang. I did not speak to any of my housemates at all. Guess some people wouldn't understand other people problems. So, why bother to tell other people. Hhahhhaa.

Today is not much different either. It sux. All my friends will look for me whenever they're in trouble, bila senang... takde pulak cari kan? Hhahhaa. Biasalah tu manusia. Alhamdullillah, i don't think that i'm able to be like that. Kalau ada susah pun i'll look for my friends, kalau seronok pun i will look for my friends. Hhahhaha cool!!!

Apa apa hal pun... have fun folks. Take good care of yourself. May God bless u all.

p/s: the word care is easy to be said but it is very difficult to do

The summary

I'll just put everything in a brief summary on what had happen these past few weeks. Hahhahhaahaha... gila lah hectic.

1) Kalau dulu i'm free 24/7, now tak lagi. I'm currently working as a lecturer/instructor dekat Maktab Tentera Diraja (RMC).
2) Cloudburst is currently doing great.
3) Having to give a lot of speeches here and there as a guest.
4) Yesterday and today, i was invited as an honorary guest judge for the HELP University College - National English Debate Competition. Best!!!.
5) The youngest male bachelor of the school. So, currently kita HOT stuff sekolah. Hahhahaha.
6) Will handle/in charge of many other activities = hectic hours.
7) Syasya and Khaliz finally made it thru. Kawin cepat2, elak maksiat. hahhaha.
8) My current health is OK, i think. Cuma minor migrain saja. Guess i'll be fine for now. Hahhaa.

There's more to type in tapi maybe later lah. I got so many work to do. See ya!!!

p/s: Khaliz... take good care of syasya and niena.. they both are very important family of mine. Hahhaha.

Bobby's out

- Love, Rock, Peace, Sacrifices!!!

Scrap Metal!!!

I'm back and currently recovering. Been sewel for the last 3 weeks back. Hahahha. Biasalaa tu. Sekarang ni gila hectic with life. Apa2 hal pun, i'm back and flying high. Feel free to post on any new messages. Kalau ada any masalah u know where to find me...

Finally, "the man" is back!!!

Send the pain below...the end!!!

Hai... now resting silently at Khaliz's house in Serdang. He's cool enought to lend me a spot at his house for me to stop by. Tak tau bila im going back to Penang. Still on job hunt. Those stupid Kementerian Pendidikan people still belum offer me any job. Tired of waiting. Currently seeking job situated in Putrajaya, Selangor and KL. Malaslah nak kerja kat Penang. Baru offer for a post as a New Zealand consular. Macam jadi duta Malaysia at New Zealand. Hope i get it. Its about time that i leave Malaysia behind. I got nothing to look forward over here.

I can't start thinking about my messed up life now. If i tried to, my migraine attack will come again. I don't know for how long i can hold on. Was miserable last night. Luckily Khaliz was there to offer help. Syasya also managed to call. Tired to face this miserable pain again and again. Hope i can find someone to take care of me soon. Screw those people that say u'r phethetic if ur writing expressing on an issue about this. I'm sick and that's it. I want to live a normal life without having any migraine, any heart problem, any chest pain. Its depressing. Damn!!! hahahhaha.

This might be my last entry. I don't know. I'll constantly check the tag board for any future messages from any of my friends. I'll try to reply. If i can't, sorry ya. I'll try to finish my short story too. All are invited to read my stupid writing by clicking the "dead poet" link.

Finally, before i end this... i realize that... i have fallen for someone. She's nice, but lately... ntahlah. She's far away, sebab tu yang susah kot. Altho i don't actually care wasting money on her, hahahhaha. Senang nak suka kat orang. Hhahhaha. Guess, i can only see u away from here. Hope that u'll be happy. It was nice talking to u. I had such fun. I feel happy talking to u. Hhahhaa. It was fun and interesting. Ur smart, lovely and strong. Your smile was a sea of colorful coral and fishes... perfect (waahhh... ayat!). Hope yr future will be full with joy and laughter. Be strong. It was nice to know u. Walaupun sekejap. You will meet your handsome prince nanti... hhahaha. ketawa lagi, hahha. Hhahhahha.. jiwangnya mamat ni. Hhahaha dammit... i'm sick. I can do anything that i want. Hhahhhaha. Never really beranikan diri to talk about this before. Hahahuahauahuahuaa. Gila lah!!! (if u know who u are... i'm sorry to do this to u... but just hav to... for i am living on borrowed time, i beg for your forgiveness. This might be among the stupidest thing i've ever made. Hhuahuhahahaha)

Enough said... love, peace and empathy.

Hope to see u all again in the near future. I hope.

Mohd Saiful Annuar, signing off... take care!!!
(if anybody ever need me, just send a msg thru the tag board or send it to, surf_explorer@hotmail.com or batak_explorer@yahoo.com. )

p/s: Moky... hope e'thing's cool with yr UTM problems. Everything will be fine. Kalau tak fine pun kita leh go to Moscow/Germany/France together. Start life kat sana. Hhahahhaa. Raya pun takyah balik. Hhahahaa. I'm cool with it. hahhahaha.

All alone is all we are

Hmm... IT is just 8 o'clock and i've already started to feel uneasy about life today. Hhahaha.
Now on ym with syasya. She's been a great help. My only sunshine for now. Hahhaa. Kawin laa cepat... boleh bob jadi ayah angkat.

I am such a negative thinker. Whenever there's thing yang made me feel unsettled, i started to think negatively. I shouldn't but... it happen. Susahla kalau macam ni kan? Hahhahahhaa.

Takpelah... we'll see how far i can go. Still got syasya to hold my hand and guide me thru... hope its enough. I hope.

The Wedding Plan (bukan jiwang la)

Hmm... lately banyak sungguh entry pasal kahwin kat everywhere i bloghop. Ni yang nak kawin ni. Dah tua sangat ni. Hhahhahaha. Duit setakat ni no problem... nak tanggung je tak confirm lagi. hahahhha.

Next week ada 2 wedding invitation tapi i can't go. i'm in KL right now. Habiskan time and money as always. hehhee.

That's it... next time.

ps: Ingat.... ni bukan pasal jiwang atau gatal.. terasa nak kawin je. Hhahahha... member2 semua dah ada anak masing masing. Teringin laa pulak nak sorang kan. Hhahahh... well... when ur heading beyond 25... u should start thinking about this. Hahha. ketawa lagi... hahhahaaha

The thought!!!

Lately... thinking about someone... someone that actually i shouldn't be. Hahhaha... nak buat macam mana.

Syasya... help!!! hehehe... u know my problem right? hhahahha.

Bintang Di Surga

Bintang di Surga
Peter Pan

masih ku merasa angkuh
terbang kenanganku jauh
langit kan menangkapku
walau kan terjatuh

dan bila semua tercipta
hanya untuk ku merasakan
semua yang tercipta
hampa hidup terasa

lelah tatapku mencari
mencari
erti untukku membagi
menemani langkahku
namun tak bererti

dan bila semua tercipta
tanpa harus ku merasakan
cinta yang tersisa
hampa hidup terasa

bagai bintang di surga
dan seluruh warna
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata

oh bintang di surga
berikan cerita
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata ...

1 word - SEDIH!!!

With this manly tears!!!

With this manly tears!!!
by Bobby Cardozo

Drift away, my cold clean tears,
Embark on a journey of self torment,
Engulf the bewitched road of lies,
Crushing folded doubt in life.

Disperse, my cold clean tears,
For you have seen my bad day,
I'll let you out and drop away,
Away from all horror display.

Farewell, my cold clean tears,
May we'll never meet again,
For i am now tired and tainted,
For i am now weak and fallen.

Goodbye, my cold clean tears,
For i know that others will take action,
Perhaps later, tomorrow or in near future,
Triggered by my own self depression.

Hehehe... moral: walaupun buruk macam mana pun muka bila menangis... when u need to cry... u cry. Its illogical to say taht man cannot cry, kalau macam tu kenapa Tuhan create tears. Hhahahahha... Tapi nak nangis pun tgk tempat la.... jangan kat tengah2 KLCC... itu bukan menangis.. itu tengah berlakon lah. Hhahhahaha.

Until my next entry... take care folks and have fun!!!

A Long December

A Long December - Counting Crows
song & words by: Adam Duritz

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...
I guess I should


This is my favourite slow song ever!!! waaahhahahahhahaa!!!

My Suicidal Dream

My Suicidal Dream

I dream about how it's going to end,
Approaching me quickly.
Leaving a life of fear,
I only want my mind to be clear.

People making fun of me,
For no reason but jealousy.
I fantasise about my death,
I'll kill myself from holding my breath,

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Help me,
comfort me,
Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.
The rope is here, now I'll find a use.
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in a noose.

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Dreamin' about my death, dream...


Moral: Sad to say... commit suicide masuk neraka tau!!! :)

Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah... lantak lah!! hehe

Haaahahahaahahaaa... boring sungguh.

Today nak buat apa? One thing for sure... i got to go shopping. Wardrobe untuk kerja i only got a few je. So... wahahahaa... habis laa duit.

But, i'm no fashion freak. I wear what i want to wear. Hmm.. baju takde... pants dah banyak... black leather shoes takde.... perfume dah siap.... belt.. ada... hmm... wallet... dah buruk.. ahaha kena beli gak.... tie... dah banyak... hmm... stokin... takde (asyik kebas stokin bowling yg murah tu je) hehehe. Hmm.. banyak nak abis duit ni... tension tension.

Next week i might be coming down to KL again... syasya... ready your purse... kita gi shopping lagi. Teman bob okeh bebeh!! hahahahaa.

Sad but still kinda Rockishly cool... hehehe

Hahhaa... don't know why... but i'm hurt. Not physically but more on mentally and heartly (ada ke? hehhee).

No Problem!!! hehehe. I'm still cool.


5 song lyrics running in my head:

- Don't even think about getting inside. Voices in my head. Ooh, voices. I got scratches all over my arms. One for each day since I fell apart. I did, oh, what I had to do. If there was a reason it was you. ( Footsteps - Pearl Jam)

- It's good to know that you are home for Christmas. It's good to know that you are doing wel.l It's good to know that you all know I'm hurting. It's good to know I'm feeling not so well. Because my inside is outside. My right side's on my left side. Cause I'm writing to reach you now but I might never reach you. Only want to teach you... about you, but that's not you... you know its true... that won't do. ( Writing to reach you - Travis )

- Hanging on. Here until I'm gone. Right where I belong. Just hanging on even though I watched you come and go. How was I to know, you'd steal the show. One day I'll have enough to gamble, I'll wait to hear your final call and bet it all. ( February Stars - Foo Fighters )

- Could we have known. Never would I, have helped to nail down. With nothing to gain, here's the clincher, this should be youn made cold and cripple This happened to be never changing Holding inside, the phobia, Made cold and crippled, ending it all. ( The Clincher - Chevelle )

- Some will learn, many do. Cover up or spread it out. Turn around, had enough, Pick and choose or pass it on. Buying in, heading for, Suffer now or suffer then. Its bad enough I want the fear...need the fear, cause he's alone... (where have we gone)... and he's alone (where have we come). ( Vitamin R - Chevelle )

When u think u can't go on....

You STOP!!! ... *sigh*

Anyway... i'm back in Penang after a long wonderful weekend. During my trip back to Penang... i pushed myself to sleep the whole journey... for the sighting on my side was so horridly discusting... Sitting beside me... was... 2 stupid indian gay partner. Seeing all those holding hands... cuddling eith each other... rasa nak bangun... terajang je. Hhehehee. Dah gatal sgt pun... buat laa masa org tak nmpak. Damn u gay guys. Not that i'm against "gaycism" <-- (ada ke?)... but please, manners... arrghh ... sure i can't sleep. Pejam mata je nmpak that 2 stupid bloke. Tension!!!

P/s: Syasya.... thanks for accompanying me the whole weekend. It was enjoyable and fun. Thank you sunshine. Nanti bob belanja pulak. Hehhee... take care. Miss you already.