Send the pain below...the end!!!

Hai... now resting silently at Khaliz's house in Serdang. He's cool enought to lend me a spot at his house for me to stop by. Tak tau bila im going back to Penang. Still on job hunt. Those stupid Kementerian Pendidikan people still belum offer me any job. Tired of waiting. Currently seeking job situated in Putrajaya, Selangor and KL. Malaslah nak kerja kat Penang. Baru offer for a post as a New Zealand consular. Macam jadi duta Malaysia at New Zealand. Hope i get it. Its about time that i leave Malaysia behind. I got nothing to look forward over here.

I can't start thinking about my messed up life now. If i tried to, my migraine attack will come again. I don't know for how long i can hold on. Was miserable last night. Luckily Khaliz was there to offer help. Syasya also managed to call. Tired to face this miserable pain again and again. Hope i can find someone to take care of me soon. Screw those people that say u'r phethetic if ur writing expressing on an issue about this. I'm sick and that's it. I want to live a normal life without having any migraine, any heart problem, any chest pain. Its depressing. Damn!!! hahahhaha.

This might be my last entry. I don't know. I'll constantly check the tag board for any future messages from any of my friends. I'll try to reply. If i can't, sorry ya. I'll try to finish my short story too. All are invited to read my stupid writing by clicking the "dead poet" link.

Finally, before i end this... i realize that... i have fallen for someone. She's nice, but lately... ntahlah. She's far away, sebab tu yang susah kot. Altho i don't actually care wasting money on her, hahahhaha. Senang nak suka kat orang. Hhahhaha. Guess, i can only see u away from here. Hope that u'll be happy. It was nice talking to u. I had such fun. I feel happy talking to u. Hhahhaa. It was fun and interesting. Ur smart, lovely and strong. Your smile was a sea of colorful coral and fishes... perfect (waahhh... ayat!). Hope yr future will be full with joy and laughter. Be strong. It was nice to know u. Walaupun sekejap. You will meet your handsome prince nanti... hhahaha. ketawa lagi, hahha. Hhahhahha.. jiwangnya mamat ni. Hhahaha dammit... i'm sick. I can do anything that i want. Hhahhhaha. Never really beranikan diri to talk about this before. Hahahuahauahuahuaa. Gila lah!!! (if u know who u are... i'm sorry to do this to u... but just hav to... for i am living on borrowed time, i beg for your forgiveness. This might be among the stupidest thing i've ever made. Hhuahuhahahaha)

Enough said... love, peace and empathy.

Hope to see u all again in the near future. I hope.

Mohd Saiful Annuar, signing off... take care!!!
(if anybody ever need me, just send a msg thru the tag board or send it to, surf_explorer@hotmail.com or batak_explorer@yahoo.com. )

p/s: Moky... hope e'thing's cool with yr UTM problems. Everything will be fine. Kalau tak fine pun kita leh go to Moscow/Germany/France together. Start life kat sana. Hhahahhaa. Raya pun takyah balik. Hhahahaa. I'm cool with it. hahhahaha.

All alone is all we are

Hmm... IT is just 8 o'clock and i've already started to feel uneasy about life today. Hhahaha.
Now on ym with syasya. She's been a great help. My only sunshine for now. Hahhaa. Kawin laa cepat... boleh bob jadi ayah angkat.

I am such a negative thinker. Whenever there's thing yang made me feel unsettled, i started to think negatively. I shouldn't but... it happen. Susahla kalau macam ni kan? Hahhahahhaa.

Takpelah... we'll see how far i can go. Still got syasya to hold my hand and guide me thru... hope its enough. I hope.

The Wedding Plan (bukan jiwang la)

Hmm... lately banyak sungguh entry pasal kahwin kat everywhere i bloghop. Ni yang nak kawin ni. Dah tua sangat ni. Hhahhahaha. Duit setakat ni no problem... nak tanggung je tak confirm lagi. hahahhha.

Next week ada 2 wedding invitation tapi i can't go. i'm in KL right now. Habiskan time and money as always. hehhee.

That's it... next time.

ps: Ingat.... ni bukan pasal jiwang atau gatal.. terasa nak kawin je. Hhahahha... member2 semua dah ada anak masing masing. Teringin laa pulak nak sorang kan. Hhahahh... well... when ur heading beyond 25... u should start thinking about this. Hahha. ketawa lagi... hahhahaaha

The thought!!!

Lately... thinking about someone... someone that actually i shouldn't be. Hahhaha... nak buat macam mana.

Syasya... help!!! hehehe... u know my problem right? hhahahha.

Bintang Di Surga

Bintang di Surga
Peter Pan

masih ku merasa angkuh
terbang kenanganku jauh
langit kan menangkapku
walau kan terjatuh

dan bila semua tercipta
hanya untuk ku merasakan
semua yang tercipta
hampa hidup terasa

lelah tatapku mencari
mencari
erti untukku membagi
menemani langkahku
namun tak bererti

dan bila semua tercipta
tanpa harus ku merasakan
cinta yang tersisa
hampa hidup terasa

bagai bintang di surga
dan seluruh warna
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata

oh bintang di surga
berikan cerita
dan kasih yang setia
dan cahaya nyata ...

1 word - SEDIH!!!

With this manly tears!!!

With this manly tears!!!
by Bobby Cardozo

Drift away, my cold clean tears,
Embark on a journey of self torment,
Engulf the bewitched road of lies,
Crushing folded doubt in life.

Disperse, my cold clean tears,
For you have seen my bad day,
I'll let you out and drop away,
Away from all horror display.

Farewell, my cold clean tears,
May we'll never meet again,
For i am now tired and tainted,
For i am now weak and fallen.

Goodbye, my cold clean tears,
For i know that others will take action,
Perhaps later, tomorrow or in near future,
Triggered by my own self depression.

Hehehe... moral: walaupun buruk macam mana pun muka bila menangis... when u need to cry... u cry. Its illogical to say taht man cannot cry, kalau macam tu kenapa Tuhan create tears. Hhahahahha... Tapi nak nangis pun tgk tempat la.... jangan kat tengah2 KLCC... itu bukan menangis.. itu tengah berlakon lah. Hhahhahaha.

Until my next entry... take care folks and have fun!!!

A Long December

A Long December - Counting Crows
song & words by: Adam Duritz

A long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leavin'
Now the days go by so fast

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think that I could be forgiven...I wish you would

The smell of hospitals in winter
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls
All at once you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl

And it's one more day up in the canyons
And it's one more night in Hollywood
If you think you might come to California...I think you should

Drove up to Hillside Manor sometime after two a.m.
And talked a little while about the year
I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower about the things you could not show her

And it's been a long December and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can't remember all the times I tried to tell my myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass

And it's one more day up in the canyon
And it's one more night in Hollywood
It's been so long since I've seen the ocean...
I guess I should


This is my favourite slow song ever!!! waaahhahahahhahaa!!!

My Suicidal Dream

My Suicidal Dream

I dream about how it's going to end,
Approaching me quickly.
Leaving a life of fear,
I only want my mind to be clear.

People making fun of me,
For no reason but jealousy.
I fantasise about my death,
I'll kill myself from holding my breath,

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Help me,
comfort me,
Stop me from feeling what I'm feeling now.
The rope is here, now I'll find a use.
I'll kill myself, I'll put my head in a noose.

My suicidal dream,
Voices telling me what to do.
My suicidal dream,
I'm sure you will get your's too.

Dreamin' about my death, dream...


Moral: Sad to say... commit suicide masuk neraka tau!!! :)

Tapi mengapa kau tak berubah... lantak lah!! hehe

Haaahahahaahahaaa... boring sungguh.

Today nak buat apa? One thing for sure... i got to go shopping. Wardrobe untuk kerja i only got a few je. So... wahahahaa... habis laa duit.

But, i'm no fashion freak. I wear what i want to wear. Hmm.. baju takde... pants dah banyak... black leather shoes takde.... perfume dah siap.... belt.. ada... hmm... wallet... dah buruk.. ahaha kena beli gak.... tie... dah banyak... hmm... stokin... takde (asyik kebas stokin bowling yg murah tu je) hehehe. Hmm.. banyak nak abis duit ni... tension tension.

Next week i might be coming down to KL again... syasya... ready your purse... kita gi shopping lagi. Teman bob okeh bebeh!! hahahahaa.